This might seem minor to others...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
This might seem minor to others...
12
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 3:36pm

For some background, I've been married just over a year. We're both active duty military and are stationed in separate places. (He's in Nevada, I'm in Delaware). We've been long distance for all but a month of our relationship, including dating.

So, the thing is this. I found quite a few emails from him to other girls that live in Vegas, usually nothing more than just hi, but there were some that asked if they would like to meet or if they'd have sex. He joined a couple of dating sites, put an ad on craigslist...

I confronted him about all of it, and he said nothing happened besides the emails. I forgave him for it, but it's really hard to trust him again. I've been trying, and he's been doing his best to make it up to me. I do trust that he never actually cheated on me, and that it would stop.

I just want to know how you move on and get past it? We've been through a lot the past couple of years, but it hasn't been anything we couldn't work through. I know we can work through this too, and it's really up to me if it does work. It wasn't anything I couldn't forgive him for, but it still really hurts.

How do you do it? Any advice for me would be wonderful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 6:15pm

perhaps my brave young friend i might offer a suggestion.

have you and he ever had the discussion 'what an affair would do to me'......... all too often men really do not get it, they do not understand the devastation that is caused. the majority of them believe we should just forget about it many many men think they will never get caught, but they always get caught. it is in their dna, to get caught i mean. they are not as smart as us, ha ha.

i wish you continued happiness. best of luck to your husband in his career plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 6:21pm

He and I have both been cheated on numerous times by other people. This, to me, is different though because it's my HUSBAND. Leaving is so much easier than staying, but that's not what I want..

We've never had a conversation about how it would affect us personally, but we have had one that if the other cheated would we stay.

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