missing something

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
missing something
21
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 11:42pm

It has been nearly 18 months since I found out about my H affair and over this time I asked more questions and the pieces of the puzzle started to fill in


I have found myself feeling cheated out of my life and my time


I gave all of it while he was out having a good time


I am started to want to be with other men, somehow I feel it will set the record straight and then I too can actually choose my H or MY A just like I had to wait on my H to choose.


I feel like its wrong but at the same time I cant get it out of my head


that if we both did it then we are both losers and can start over


I know I sound crazy and I might be, I just cant seem to get over all the lies and


the fact that he gave me and STD to.


I am angry and hurt, I thought I could do better and we would get passed it , and he has changed and is doing all the right things, counseling, I have phone records emails all of it and yet I still cant move on


Can anyone relate or am I really crazy


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 7:11pm

I can relate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 7:23pm

Only,

Try and hang in there. Do something nice for yourself. I do know a revenge affair is not going to work for me. I have thought about it and even went to my 30 year reunion with it in the back of my mind. However, I know I love my H. He is the one I want to remain with and finish my life out with. I know an affair with another man would just hurt me more. I would be disgusted with myself. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought of it. You are not crazy and you are not alone.

CrazyHeart422

"Do unto others as you would have done to you"



~JC~

Hurts have taught me never to give up loving Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:37am

I found out over a year ago that my husband of 25 years was out having sex with other women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 11:25am
Nah, you don't want to do that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 6:38pm
I have been through everything you are describing. My 14 year marriage was full of lies and broken promises and he had multiple affairs. He gave me an STD and we almost had another baby before I knew it. I spent some time with several other men. What those here would call an emotional affair. I love all the great phrases we have to cover all the bad things we have to live with. I slept with 2 of them and since then I recovered my sense of self and was able to go to counseling and listen and do what I had to to keep my marriage together. Here is what I know. Every person here has experienced a terrible thing in one way or another. In some cases there are such similar circumstances that some of the advice works and things proceed to an end. Maybe they reconcile, maybe they divorce. But no one here can really tell you about you and what you should do. If you want another man, get one. If you don't , then don't. But to sit and listen to people tell you what they think you should and shouldn't do, me included lmao, is probobly what put most of us here in the first place. Just putting in my dollars worth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 9:39pm

about 18 months, I am a logical person so I recognize whats going on and yet it still plagues me . You are right, to become what you detest, thats exactly what it would be .
and even yet I have this even forgiveness playfield that wants to seem right, when all the evidence says otherwise.

Thank you for your support

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 9:45pm

I think your dollars worth is priceless, sometimes I just dont want to feel crazy. I have to ask if you dont mind, what was it like to sleep with another man after all those years of marriage,
was it awkward, even to think about in my wildest dreams, I get all tongue tied, I am no virgin but I feel like I wouldnt even know where to start.

Thank you for your honesty, I probably cant do it, but I guess the desire to do it and feel what its like is very tempting

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 9:47pm
oh and I forgot mine gave me an STD to : (
Im responsible, how would I even tell anyone_ GROOOOOOSSSSS
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 3:53pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 2:14am
I would only do it if there was someone I was really connected to and if they weren't married.

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