in my head only ?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
in my head only ?????
8
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 2:47am
I am married for 2 years, we are together for 6. My Husband is from another country and he went there for 6 weeks, the last 2 weeks I was to follow.
His mother is confined to the bed and the family has hired a Maid from Indonesia to take care of the household and the medical attention his Mother needed.
My arrival was great, my Husband has a large Family and I felt very welcomed. On the second day it started (keep in mind that my Husband has already spend 1 month there) Every time the Maid walked by in the hallway the two looked at each other, when she came in the room to sit down they would both adjust their seating arrangements so that they can look at each other.On the third day, we were supposed to go on a trip for 4 days. His mother was sad and cried, but my Husbands response took me by suprise, he was so upset... I had the feeling like it wasn't about his mother at all. At one point he left the room and went in the room we slept in and the maid followed, they came right back out, but she remained standing close to him. He than ask her to get him a glass of water
she did and stood there again close to him. He went back into his mothers room and she followed and sat down on a chair. I had to move to my left a little to look passed my Husband. His hand was resting on the maids shoulder, all this took like half an hour.
Since day 2 I had butterflies in my stomach..a sixth since if you will...still today one year later I cant let go of this feeling. I confronted him and he denied all.
One night my husband ask me to go into the maids room to wake her so she can continue sleeping in the mothers room in case she wakes and needs something. I pocked her on the shoulder and she grabbed my hand until she realized it was me. i feel so strongly that my Husband is laying about this, because the feelings I had than were like an alarm.
After you have read this, do you get the feeling that I have reasons to be concerned. Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 1:26pm

Well I heartily agree with sixth sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 11:42pm

Yes, yes, yes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:24pm

has your husband ever done this before?

have you sat him down and poured everything out on the table? Tell him how you feel and what you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 4:03pm

Thanks for writing. No he has never done anything like that before. I never had a feeling like that before that day either...it hit me like a train, my stomach was turning like something was not right. Yes I have told him what I have felt and seen and he just said no I would not do that, why should i , I have a wife plus I dont find her attractive. ( she is very attractive ) I did not stop and told him that something was going on ...he just freaked out, it is only in my head. Like I said ...even today, 1 year later I still get that same feeling when I think about that. She did not look at other man that way , nor did he constantly look at other females that way everytime they walked by. This is eating me up and I dont know how to deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:25pm

has he acted different in any way since then? Is there other things that he does thats "strange"? Was this the only time you have felt uneasy? I ask because it might have been just one time that you felt that way or they acted that way.

Are there other behaviors that they do? Have you talked to the maid? Maybe she things more is going on between them than he does.

I ask these things not to let you think its in your head. You have a right to your feelings. NO MATTER WHAT. I just want to know if there are other things than just that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 6:45pm

This all happen last year when he was on vacation with his family, he was there for 4 weeks when I arrived and I spend 2 weeks there. His mother has since than past and the maid is now working for the mother of his best friend, which he now calls on a regular basis.


Acting different...only that he is very careful what he says when we tal;k about the time with his family. He is a very calm person, but when the subject comes to the maid he looses it...I know one can see this 2 ways, he does not like to be accused because he did not do anything or he overreacts.


She would come out at night in a skimpy PJ to go to the kitchen and he would go as well, I would follow but nothing happened. She cleared the table one day, which is a low table she had to bend over to reach the surface, she could have chossen any angle of the table, but she choose the area where my husband was sitting, so she hat her behind nicly streched out in his direction, he was on the phone and looked at her behind the whole time until he was done, when i asked him about that , he said he did not realize it he was just starring because he was so deeply involved in the conversation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 9:10pm

Yes be a little concern. I dont feel he will leave you for her , I just feel that she paid him a little attention that woke something up inside of him. As a maid she will try anything to keep her job and get a free ticket out of jail via your H. Why are our H's so stupid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 9:43am
Your right, its like a radar going off. Sometimes it really loud. maybe nothing happened. DO you still see this woman? I know its still on your mind from a few months ago. I take it your back home now? Are things different? Does he still seem a little strange even back home?