My husband cheated on me for ten years with the same woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2014
My husband cheated on me for ten years with the same woman
16
Fri, 05-16-2014 - 12:46pm

Very long story short--  I have been married to my highschool sweetheart for 4.5 years. We just had our first baby 3 weeks ago.  I have received a letter in the mail of texts, emails, pictures and every other little bit of evidence from my husbands mistress from the PAST 10 YEARS.  He has been cheating on me for TEN YEARS.  There are no doubts in my mind from this letter.  She mentioned tiny details nobody would know but him and I.  Pictures of them at weddings, kissing, him telling her he wanted to divorce me after only 4 months of marriage, details of their "ridiculous" sex life, him having sex with her and seeing her and spending the night while I was pregnant, and him promising to leave me as soon as the baby was born.  WHAT DO I DO??? Oh, I also forgot-- he got her pregnant twice, and she was pregnant while I was pregnant

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Aiden12345, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Did the mistress end up having his child/children? Did you ever have any intuition about him cheating, no signs? Do you want to give it a shot and see if he wants to save the marriage and go for counseling?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014

*

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Wow, this is a horrible situation.  It was like he was carrying on a double life.  I can't believe that he did things so publicly with her like go to weddings.  I think you should wait a while considering you just had a baby, but I wouldn't be able to trust someone like this--he is a chronic liar!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2014

I dont think I will ever be able to trust him again.  It wasn't a one off-- it was another relationship.  I dont think there is any salvage.  I never saw any signs and i completely trusted him, but he broke me.  No, he told her that if she had an abortion, he would leave me... I think that's why she sent the letter. From what I gathered, she wanted the baby. According to what he wrote to her, he wanted to divorce me 3 months after we got married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2014

Yes, pictures of them at weddings, baseball and hockey games, receipts from dinners out together in our area, pictures of them kissing.  They look blissfully happy... Our marriage is ruined, and now I have a child by this monster... ugh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
He carried on with another realtionship for 10 years all the while you were clueless. Its amazing how you never caught wind of this until now. Some things must be adding up after you found out especially dates and times that he was gone. I think you already know what is best for you and I wish you all the love and strength to get through this. I can only imagine that its not going to be easy and having a child with him makes it more difficult but you'll pick yourself up and get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014

*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2014

Yes, everything is clicking and making sense... lawyers have already been called, and hopefully he can get the papers served by Monday!  I am still in shock over all of this... thank you for your thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I'm just curious, have you shown him the information, and what did he have to say about if?  This is one sick man!  If he really had wanted her, he would NOT have married you.  He either didn't know how to get rid of her, or he actually cared for both of you.  Unless you're in Utah, it doesn't work that way, and he thought he could get away with it .  Give all that information that you got from her to your lawyer so your husband can't get his hands on it and/or try to destroy it.  Hopefully, he will wind up with neither one of you!  In a certain way it was terrible of her to dump it on you, but it's better to know sooner than later.  I had the same thing in my life many years ago, but I knew what was going on because "she" made sure I did, and he STILL didn't want to leave me.  I had 3 small children and I was just waiting for them to be old enough to not need a baby sitter and i could go to work.  The other woman sent mail to him at our home.....birthday cards, valentine cards, she had men calling me to tell me where they were, and I just ignored all of it until I was ready to leave.  My husband denied everything, it was just someone pranking him.  It went on for 5-6 years, and then she came down with breast cancer, and he left her!  Nice guy!  When I finally divorced him, he had somone else, denying it again, and he begged me NOT to divorce him.  When I told him "too late"......he went ahead and married the other one......who later divorced him too.  You're well rid of him, and if he goes to her, she deserves him.  There's an old saying.....if he cheated WITH you, he will cheat ON you......so she's not getting the prize, she's getting the booby prize.  They deserve each other.  Good Luck to you!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Wow, you could be on "Who in the 'bleep' did I marry!  Sounds so out there, it is unreal.  

As horrible as it was to find out this way, I do think this gal (who has one child with him and another on the way?  or did she terminate two pregnancies?) realized how insane this was felt you deserved the truth, as painful as it was.  

I know you called him a monster, and I see that you have already talked to an attorney, but have you talked to him yet?  And not to make light of the situation, but do know that your baby deserves a dad, so don't use your baby against him in anger.  With a newborn, I think time with dad would be pretty limited, but don't forget cheating doesn't necessarily make for a bad father.  

As painful as this is, you have beautiful baby and better to find out now rather than later.  Hang in there and let us all know how things go.  Hugs....

Serenity CL making a marriage work

Serenity

Pages