My Letter to HOR

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
My Letter to HOR
133
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:03am

Needing to vent - I wrote this and will never send.... but if you want to write a letter to HOR, do so here, it kind of feels good....


Dear B,


I think you must be the devil. You pray, you ask God for strength, but you still did these things. I've read your blog, why do you still have it up if you know I can see it... Do you have no self control? You were the OW 7 years ago, and were again last year. You destroyed his last relationship and tried and did again with us. Why?


You both were addicted, it was an affair, based on lies and deceit. You then had a "relationship" with him for six years, if you count the time you ran around with him while he was with another.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: ok2luv
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:52pm
I think lots of us have written these.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 1:33pm
I thought of writing one and never did - does it really help to write it down knowing you will never send it? I think I may if you say it does. I spoke to her - actually listened to her crap for about 45 minutes once, but it might help for me to get all this off of my chest as well.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:14pm

I really don't know what helps.... Everyday is a struggle for me still, It's been three months and I only get brief moments of not thinking about it.

I think writing this may have stirred things up, but I feel better now. I realize she really didn't care, she had no morals, she just wanted sex because she gained weight, he was fighting alcohol abuse, and I was mad and not happy, she was a drunk also and didn't care....

it just makes me mad that he was so weak.... I'll never understand... I don't think I will ever heal... I just hope that I can forget as live moves on... At least that is what I hope for, just peace...

Ugh, I just wish I didn't know, but since he told me it's like a weight lifted and our relationship is more open, but it hurts so bad... I told him that they say it is one of the most painful things to go through, and he doesn't agree. He has been through a lot of pain in his life... But not me, I've had it easy until now...

I just hope I can heal, forget, and live again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:46pm
He's a self centered jerk! that's all there is to it. I told my MC that a woman had told me that she went through the death of her mother, then a death of a child in one year, then her WH had an affair and THAT was by far more painful than the other two. My MC said because the other two are final, over, and being dealt with, and the deaths were not caused by someone not caring trying to intentionally hurt her. So it IS the most painful thing to be betrayed by someone you loved and cared for so much. And don't let him or anyone else tell you otherwise. You KNOW what you feel. No one else can tell you......
I'll never understand either. NEVER... I don't CARE that he thought I didn't love him (a made up excuse for him to do what he wanted) while I was still doing his laundry (that he dirtied with OW) and cooking for him etc.
It will take you much more time to heal and forgive, only if he warrants it and works hard too - you'll never totally forget I hear, but that's ok - we'll only be more vulnerable again if we forget completely!
Hang in there!
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 11:28pm

That was good,

Yep, tear it up.

Now write a letter to your husband and hand it to him. My spouse hates writing letters. But the ones she wrote that were from the heart were very important. The direct anger, the love, the hurt. I read them over and over and I got a lot out of them. The problem with talking is that when she told me stuff, I could only process a little bit of what she said. A letter helped me process a lot more information.

I wrote her a lot of letters, I think they also helped. Don't make it all mean. Make sure you point out how much you wanted him to be faithful and how much you want to trust your partner and what your dream relationship is. That stuff is important so he knows where to reach for if he really wants to be happy with you.

Thomas

I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 10:53pm
it's been about three weeks for me. i still remember every waking moment and scared to sleep because i dream about it. my life is total living hell. i've spoken to ow. she said they were in love and he confirmed it. this hurts me by far the most. how can he love her if he came home every night and made love to me. i feel like peeling my skin off. how can i love someone who intentionally hurt me? he told her our marriage was irreparable. she said she would never have done what she did if she thought we had a chance. sigh. my life has turned upside down and i don't know how to fix it. i want to do her so much harm it scares me. what did he see in her? she's fat and ugly. but i guess those things don't really matter. sad. i can see them kissing, touching, hugging, tasting, and all the things that makes me crazy. how do i stop this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 7:32am
it's been months for me and I still can't stop it. Different people want to do different things. I needed to hear all the details, some people need to go to the places they WH and OW went to, MC I'd say is a must, STD testing is a must, My H said same thing, OW told me that they were in 'love' 'soul mates' he said he did tell her that, but it didn't even have to be her, he'd have told it to anyone who was giving him what he was getting. It stinks big time. I can only say it lessens with time if they help, he he's gone, then you need support from somewhere else. If you are staying together, MC and he needs to help you get thru this.
Good luck - sorry you've joined this 'club'
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 7:11pm
yes, i'm sorry too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
In reply to: ok2luv
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 6:28am
Nice job writing the letter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 9:49am
nevereasy,
I've read your last posting 3 times before answering. It's all good advice, I hope I can get there. Your name says it all - it's just never damned easy. With the STD and he is now refusing to have sex with me - the MC thinks it's because he gave me the STD or his guilt about it, I don't know, it's thrown me way back. The last two weeks have been hell again. Shaking, crying, flashbacks triggers. And of course when I do get like this, he gets annoyed that I am not just 'forgetting about it all" because that was then, this is now. Apparently he forgets about the whole thing unless I bring it up. MC says that it seems FWH is DONE with the recovery process and I feel as I am just beginning. I feel sad, hurt, disappointed and very alone. I will try to keep re reading your posting and others to get me on track for my own sanity. I don't ask for all this, it happens. Sometimes out of the clear blue.

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