My life now.
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|Mon, 12-30-2013 - 9:45am|
A week ago today my boyfriend of 7 years confessed to having a 6 month long affair with a woman 10 years older than myself. The affair was with an aquaintence of mine and a former coworker of his. During the time of the affair we bought a home together and moved in together for the first time. He claims that the affair started out as a friendship and that feelings developed. He thought that he loved her. He cared for her. The relationship turned sexual. He claims that this all "killed him" and he felt horrible the entire time. He claims that he tried to end things repeatedly but she told him that she would kill herself or tell me about the affair. She woud type out a text message to me and claim that she was going to send it. He claims that there have been times when he would have to go "talk her down" from self injury and overdosing. Last Monday, when he told me about what happened he said that he didn't know if she was going to make it through the night and he seriously thought she was going to kill herself (he left her with her parents).
When I ask why he didn't tell me sooner he says that he assumed that if he told me he would lose me and have nothing. He has claimed that he will never speak with her again and that if she attempts to contact him he will let me know as soon as it happens. He says that if I realize that this is all to much and I can't be with him anymore, he will still never speak with her again. He seems genuinely sorry and upset I truely believe that he is sorry and was stuck in a manipulative "relationship" with her. He claims now that what he thought was "missing" all along wasn't really anyting at all and that as soon as we moved in together he reazlied that (even though the affair continued). He claims that he never brought her to our home and that she does not know where we live. He would go there/ they would meet out, etc. Because this all happened two days before Christmas, finding a therapist who is available has been impossible. We both know that therapy is very important to the success of our relationship and have an appointment tomorrow. He has not been secretive about his whereabouts or his phone. He has left everything out on the table and will answer any question I have regarding everything.
I feel betrayed and destroyed. Every memory I have in our home together is tainted by his ongoing lies and infatuation with the other woman. I think our love is stong and can get though this, but I am just so hurt.
How do you get passed things? How do you move forward? I feel like I should be more "mad" and upset than I am. But I am just so sad.