My Rapist
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| Fri, 09-09-2011 - 6:26pm |
I was raped several years ago. I still live in the same city as I did then but I have managed to move around often enough to feel safe that my rapist would never locate me.
Recently my husband reconnected with an old friend from high school (on Facebook) who he has had nothing to do with for 26 years but who also happens to be best friends with my rapist. My husband knew about this connection and still moved forward.
When I found out about this I told him I wasn't comfortable with any of it. He proceeded to accuse me of not supporting a friendship that was "important" to him. I told him I didn't understand how a person whom he has had nothing to do with for 26 years could be more important than the fact this person is friends with the man who raped his wife (of 22 years). I told him I was far from being comfortable with the fact information that he relayed to his friend (ie: about our child, where we live, etc) could equally be relayed to my rapist when the two of them were hanging out. He blew it off and basically told me I was over-reacting and seeking attention.
I have found myself confused because I don't feel that I am being unreasonable nor unfair. I don't feel that after 22 years of marriage to him that I should come in second place to this friend who has been no part of our lives whatsoever. I don't feel it is fair to re-esatblish this friendship when my daughter could be at risk should my rapist desire any sort of vengence against me. I'm simply dumbfounded that my spouse comprehends none of my fear and is playing it off as female histronics (sp) ... I don't know what to think, period.
Any feedback would be most appreciated by me since I'm seeking to make snse of it all and naturally assume an unbiased opinion will help me fathom my own. So thank you in advance for your time in responding to my post.
- Need Advice Please
- 6 months, still having a really hard time. 2
- How do I get over his feelings? 10
- NEED HELP ON VERGE OF AFFAIR - I AM MALE - 22
- My life is so...lifeless 8
- Not again..... 6
- Proof - how? 14
- Need some outside opinions 8
- Forced To Accept this Woman and Her Child 10
- So Confused and don't know what to do 7
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It's a total 100% no-brainer, and your spouse is being a selfish, insensitive jerk.
peace & strength to you
this all sounds very insensitive my heart goes out to you, it is as if he only cares for his own feelings and is taking you for granted which we can identify with here
emotional abuse and disrespect
you need to look out for yourself and consider your options as in letting him know you have limits and what you will not tolerate and be ready to cut him loose if he is endangering you and damaging your soul
just my opinion
(1) I don't know what I will do if the friendship continues. My husband tends to take on the interests of whomever he is hanging around which has already led to a lot of compromise on my behalf and these old high school friends are his old pot buddies. A couple of years ago he made friends with a neighbor who smoked and he started doing it himself. I don't know that he changed as a result or if that habit simply brought out who he was underneath the polite "Yes dear, sure dear, whatever I can do to help dear."
(2) What are the chances I'll see my rapist again? Highly likely that it will happen at some point. Roughly 7 years ago he showed up at my home looking for my husband. I didn't know it was him when I opened the door because his appearance had changed a good bit. Turns out he found us via public records after we bought the house. I started screaming and yelling that my husband and I were divorced and I didn't want to see him around here again. He did leave, I'll give him that, but now that my husband has befriended this guy who also knows my rapist, well my rapist will know that was a lie which could very well anger him enough to show up again.
(3) Is my husband kind, considerate and respectful? Right now I don't know how to answer that. He jokes with female friends in a way I feel is inappropriate and insulting to me. I mention it and he writes it off as I'm being unreasonable. If he thinks I won't agree with something he wants to do, he'll lie about it and simply do it, then when I get angry that it has been done he just calls me crazy and says I'm making myself feel angry. I just don't know how to answer that other than when things are good, they are good and when they are bad they are bad.