my wife and best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
my wife and best friend
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 11:06pm
Four months ago i got a phone call from my wife's best friend that she had walked in on my wife with her husband, who was my best friend.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 11:47pm

You are not alone in these feelings, or being a kind and trusting person (once upon a time)
This changes you forever it takes away something vital and hopeful
Peace & Strength to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 1:35am
Does your wife understand that there can be no more contact with this other couple?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:01am
You need counseling.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 1:38pm
I'm sorry, very sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 7:03pm
Your wife has some emotional issues which need to be delved into and you have suffered the pain of emotional trauma from the two people who you loved and trusted the most.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 8:27pm
Thanks, for the support it's nice to know I not alone out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 12:44am

I am so sorry and a double betrayal, the worst. Please keep your focus on being there for the kids. It is very important that their lives stay as normal as possible. How old are they? They may benefit from family counseling if the marriage is going to end. My H and his sister were so messed up from witnessing the mess of their parents breaking up over infidelity. They were teens at the time. Looks like my H followed in his dads footprints and nearly destroyed our marriage the same way.

Your wife has

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 2:34pm

it saddened me deeply when i read your reply. i was sitting here trying to think of something comforting and enlightening to say when i read the part that she had cheated before.

i am so sorry for your pain.

i do not mean to hurt your feelings but i believe when she came home drunk and went off and said the things she said that she meant them. it seems to me that she was hurting more about being caught with and loosing him than what it did to you and his wife. your wife is a real jewel, sorry, i am letting my anger come out. i am of course equating her self indulgence with my own husbands.

i would ask that you really take a good look at the state of your marriage. i would agree that you need to talk to a professional - just to let it out. then it is time for some serious talk with her. either she wants to be married to you or she does not. she is a grown adult who needs to take a good long look at herself.

i would also challenge her commitment to her children.......... how do you call yourself a good parent, and do something so horrendous? integrity is more than a 9 letter word she needs to get that.

you need to do what is going to bring you peace. in doing so you will then be able to show your children the importance of self love.

take care of yourself. there are many posters here with caring hearts, a few of them men, in your shoes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:18pm
I am amazed by the response I have had from people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:38pm

I went through a similar experience. In my case my spouse kept doing it and refused to stop. I feel for you and understand that when that candle inside goes out, it's time to go. You deserve better, and so do the children. Staying in an awful marriage for the sake of the kids can actually damage the children even more. They have your love and they are resilient. It will still be difficult, but you and your children will live to see joy and happiness.

Take it a day at a time. Some days will work out better than others. But tomorrow, you have an opportunity to start fresh, again. Eventually, you'll feel better.

Once the trust is broken, more than once, that's it.

Be strong, stay your course - you deserve much better.