Need advice from betrayed spouse who made their marriage work after being betrayed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2013
Need advice from betrayed spouse who made their marriage work after being betrayed
21
Tue, 07-09-2013 - 8:24am

I am so lost right now and I don't know what to do.  It has been two months since I first discovered my wife is having an affair and a little over a month since I asked her about it and she confessed.  I really want to forgive her and make our marriage work, but I don't know if that is even possible.  After our initial talks a month ago, she deflects any converstation on the topic of the affair right away.  She has not shown a willingness to go to couple's counseling or even counseling on her own.  I have started going to see a marriage counselor on my own since discovering since the pain is so unbareable.  I'm pretty sure she still has contact with the other guy (who is married as well) through Facebook.  He lives several states away from us, so I don't think anything physical is going on that this point, but they are probably still chatting intimately online and probably Skyping too while I'm at work.

I would really like things to go back to the way they used to be, not only for the sake of our children, but because I love her.  Is there anyone out there who has been betrayed and was successful at rebuilding their marriage in the awake of an affair?  How long does it take for the pain not to consume you?  How long does is take to have any sense of trust in your spouse?  Is there any hope at all, or is this just a pipe dream?  Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2014

Hello. I too am have the same questions regarding my marriage. I'm just wondering if the fear ever goes away? Doubt? Will I ever be able to fully trust myself as well as him to move beyond the hurt, pain, anguish, etc.? So many questions. Never enough answers. Wished someone could just tell me what to do!! I'm so lost and confused. I hope that you and your wife are working things out. Continue to seek therapy for yourself though. Take Care

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