Need advice - Post affairs (his)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Need advice - Post affairs (his)
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 6:03pm

This board always clarifies my thinking and helps me generate options:

Husband had multiple emotional affairs and one physical affair (my best friend) over a 1-2 year period about 3 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 7:15pm

Hey Beth,

I'm sorry, I don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm sure someone, better able to help, will be here for you shortly.

I just wanted to say that I think you're extraordinarily strong not to have confronted him by now. It must have been so hard for you to have had to carry this on your own. I'm not surprised this trip had got you all churned up inside.

Is it that you are worried that he might leave you as you feel vulnerable

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 8:26pm

Wow. I can't believe that you never confronted this man. If you ask me, he sure got off easy.

Why do you think there's no way you can go visit without having to encounter her? I can't believe you never said anything to her, too! You don't have to see her. She's supposedly your "best friend" (what a laugh). If you choose to not see her, seems to me that's YOUR business and nobody else's.

I don't know why you seem to be more concerned about how your husband will feel/react to knowing that you know the truth than your own feelings about it all.

If you're asking my honest opinion, it's to tell him what you know (finally!) and tell him that under no circumstances will either one of you be seeing that woman. I would also call her and confront her as well. It's their dirty little secret. It doesn't have to be yours, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 8:56pm
So are you worried that he is going to sneak off and see her? Won't you be with him when he's not golfing the rest of the time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 8:57am

Hey girl--

Sorry for the pain you're having to reendure. I may be wrong(it happens quite often),but it sounds to me like you never told him/her b/c you were afraid of stirring up trouble. I hate to say it,hon,but HE stirred up the trouble years ago--NOT YOU!! Then maybe some time passed after finding out,and you just never felt like the time was right (finances,family,maybe you were in a good spot with him) to bring up the past--but he just thinks he got away with it! Imagine thinking you have that much power over your spouse! However, you know have the perfect opportunity to bring the past to light. Maybe you missed that "perfect chance" back then, but you've been given a perfect excuse to bring it up now--don't miss that chance again or you'll go through this time and time again--maybe you can handle that, but I know I couldn't.

Good luck no matter what you decide.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:44am
Why does he have to spend any time at all with the OW?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:52am

Hi Beth.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 02-12-2009 - 2:05am
The problem I see is he believes he's gotten away with this, and I think that's bad.