Need advice...question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Need advice...question
22
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 8:45am

So, it has been 5 weeks since I found out about my H affair and I'm doing ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 10:43am

Hi Heather!


I sure do know how your feeling! My H and his skanky ho did their deed in my H's vehicle and I would not go in it for a long long time. I sure wish that we were in the position that we could've sold it but we are not. What I did was rewrite their history in my mind. So instead of me thinking that this was some great love making experience for them, I had to add a few other details to make it easier for my mind. Like maybe my H couldn't "finish" or she farted during. I really had a hard time with this and I even posted this a long time ago, but my rewriting ended with OW getting hit

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 9:06pm

HEATHER:

please know that i mean this with total love.

YOU SHOULD REVIEW THIS WHOLE SCENARIO, what the hell kind of woman has an affair in a car/truck??????? a 2 bit piece of cheap cra*. so, rather than let it bother you, laugh about it. my husband met up with 'her' for lunch where they got a taste of each other - give me a friggin break. what did i do, i reflected it right back at him WOW, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN A REAL CLASSY WHORE, DOING IT IN A CAR????????????????? hello????????????????

i would get some lysol, hand it to HIM and tell him; you need to go out there and sterilize the entire vehicle, i want not 1 germ that is not our families in it.

your best life now by joel osteen - it has some real good pointers on how to deal with 'things' that are driving you crazy - i highly recommend it. you can get it at any bookstore, do not let the fact tht he is a preacher scare you - it is a great book. many of the women on this site have read it and have found great strength in it. i have read it a couple of times and open it each and every day and read a few pages. it is how i start my day.

noone deserves to live with a constant reminder, but right now it is up to you to refocus and take charge. if you do not you will drive yourself crazy, and life is too short.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 11:15pm
Hey--I am right there with you on the H cleaning the car with lysol.....and while he's at it maybe suggest he spray his crotch!!
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 8:10am

Back in June, my spouse asked me to fix a sagging section of sheet rock in the kitchen. I hired a handyman who works with me in our sons boy scout troop. DW took the kids down to her folks for two days while we pulled the sheet rock down and replaced it. DW slept with OM both nights. A few weeks later, I took my two sons and their scout troop out and was teaching them rock climbing. DW was painting the kitchen that day. She slipped out and met the OM at the freeway exit and rode around with him on his motorcycle. Needless to say she did a lousy job on the paint and it still shows. Two days later DW asked me for a divorce.

Nice one eh?

I had purchased DW some Victoria Secrets the fall before the affair. After D Day, I made her pack up all her underwear and toss every stitch of it in the trash. I sell rare books to supplement my living and that day, I took three of my personal favorite collectables and sold them to a local dealer. I raised some $1,500. Took DW to the mall and we purchased $500 plus in underwear for her. The rest of the money helped supplement our therapy sessions. One of the collectables that I sold was a rare, five volume set of books that took me 20 years as a dealer/collector to complete. I've never seen, or even heard of another complete set of volumes. Nor had the dealer who purchased them, and he specializes in that type of book. To be honest. I don't miss those books one bit. The time I spent scouring countless bookshelves looking for them was enjoyable. I made good friends doing it, and ultimately the books rescued me in my time of need.

But, I too have triggers regarding motorcycles, kitchens, scouting, book-selling, her mom's place, and so forth. Sadly I quit scouts. I went on two outings after D Day and had to wander off into the trees occasionally and just sob. I have done nothing with books since either. DW took all the little things in my life that I really loved and used them to have affairs. Fortunately, we are doing really good right now.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Rebuilding

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:36pm

you know i have thought about this alot the past several days. what a shame it is for her - it must be quite hard to have to face a trigger each and every day.

where is the integrity of either party????????????? trash, that is all i can say about the 'woman, and i use the term loosely here' what kind of human being values herself so little that she will call their meeting/sacred place the back seat of a car?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 5:37pm
I would not use that term either--woman stands for virtue and a sort of maturity......making it in someone's car or for that matter is like a feral cat---marking territory that isn't hers or even remotely likely to be hers
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:54pm
The car is just a "thing". Don't forget it. You should not let the car give you bad feelings... you should have bad feelings toward your husband, not a car. Talk to him or a therapist about it, if you want to save your marriage. The car is just an excuse for you not to face your real feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:11am
In this situation, there are many "triggers" and they are not "just excuses" not to deal with feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:13am
Are you just here to promote your website and sell your product?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 11:42am

planin2livnow,


i love your posts--read them often.