Need advice...question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Need advice...question
22
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 8:45am

So, it has been 5 weeks since I found out about my H affair and I'm doing ok.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:57am
I have the same trigger when i see 'her' car! She has a red car and they did their antics in her car! Which is a very small first time driver type of car! My bloke doesn't even have a car, neither of us do, he has a moped though, but as far as i know, they never went anywhere on that. Reason being, he loves driving cars, and he drove hers, even though he isn't illegal. She basically was using her car as a bait to get him to go out with her after work, of course they needed destinations to go to....pubs or supermarkets, then would drive back to outside her mothers house with a crate full of drinks, then get up to whatever they did in the back of her car while drinking, then he'd stupidly drive around drunk afterwards to get home....or stop at his work as he is key holder! Probably so i didn't see the state of drunk he was in, or the state of the hiccies on his neck or maybe even cause she stayed there with him, who knows? But, everytime i see a small red car approaching in the street, i glare at it as it approaches and check the number plate. Most of the time its not hers, but the anger i feel boiling up inside me when i see it is unbelievable!! I could honestly jump on the bonnet and put the windscreen through! I have a job walking by if i see it parked anywhere too! I'd smash it up but he'd only feel guilty and probably pay for it to be repaired! He says he wouldn't, but i know he would, mr flash his cash likes to pretend he is rich! Luckily though, i don't have to drive around in her car! Another trigger for me, is seeing any of her family, her little sister is in my littl boys class at school, so i have to see a member of her family everyday at my boys school and sometimes even her, the amount of self control it takes for me not to fly kick the b!tch in the teeth is impossible! Then i find myself stewing on it for a good hour afterwards, especially when she gives me one of her snide/smug looks like shes untouchable or something. I don't want her to have that affect over me, but i really can't help it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 10:47pm

i remember my h telling me that 'barbie' the one who was giving him back door sex was so unattractive that he would never have been seen in public with her. he said she was morbidly obese, old, desperate, and ugly. but how sad is it that a man that she gave herself to would speak of her in such a degrading manner. i do not get it; how do you jeopardize everything for a piece of ass, and in this case i mean it literally, ha ha.

you know you bring up a good point here, the cynical biatch part. i too, do not like that new trait of mine. i use to be so open, so happy, so trusting. all of this has tainted me, and i am not liking it, not one dam* bit. i am working on this, because i know that i am better than this. my h use to say i was a dreamer, that i looked at life thru rose colored glasses - always believing in karma, the importance of treating all well - then HE, my HUSBAND, the FATHER OF MY CHILDREN, my INTIMATE LOVER jumped into the gutter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 11:42am

planin2livnow,


i love your posts--read them often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:13am
Are you just here to promote your website and sell your product?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:11am
In this situation, there are many "triggers" and they are not "just excuses" not to deal with feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:54pm
The car is just a "thing". Don't forget it. You should not let the car give you bad feelings... you should have bad feelings toward your husband, not a car. Talk to him or a therapist about it, if you want to save your marriage. The car is just an excuse for you not to face your real feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 5:37pm
I would not use that term either--woman stands for virtue and a sort of maturity......making it in someone's car or for that matter is like a feral cat---marking territory that isn't hers or even remotely likely to be hers
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:36pm

you know i have thought about this alot the past several days. what a shame it is for her - it must be quite hard to have to face a trigger each and every day.

where is the integrity of either party????????????? trash, that is all i can say about the 'woman, and i use the term loosely here' what kind of human being values herself so little that she will call their meeting/sacred place the back seat of a car?

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 8:10am

Back in June, my spouse asked me to fix a sagging section of sheet rock in the kitchen. I hired a handyman who works with me in our sons boy scout troop. DW took the kids down to her folks for two days while we pulled the sheet rock down and replaced it. DW slept with OM both nights. A few weeks later, I took my two sons and their scout troop out and was teaching them rock climbing. DW was painting the kitchen that day. She slipped out and met the OM at the freeway exit and rode around with him on his motorcycle. Needless to say she did a lousy job on the paint and it still shows. Two days later DW asked me for a divorce.

Nice one eh?

I had purchased DW some Victoria Secrets the fall before the affair. After D Day, I made her pack up all her underwear and toss every stitch of it in the trash. I sell rare books to supplement my living and that day, I took three of my personal favorite collectables and sold them to a local dealer. I raised some $1,500. Took DW to the mall and we purchased $500 plus in underwear for her. The rest of the money helped supplement our therapy sessions. One of the collectables that I sold was a rare, five volume set of books that took me 20 years as a dealer/collector to complete. I've never seen, or even heard of another complete set of volumes. Nor had the dealer who purchased them, and he specializes in that type of book. To be honest. I don't miss those books one bit. The time I spent scouring countless bookshelves looking for them was enjoyable. I made good friends doing it, and ultimately the books rescued me in my time of need.

But, I too have triggers regarding motorcycles, kitchens, scouting, book-selling, her mom's place, and so forth. Sadly I quit scouts. I went on two outings after D Day and had to wander off into the trees occasionally and just sob. I have done nothing with books since either. DW took all the little things in my life that I really loved and used them to have affairs. Fortunately, we are doing really good right now.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Rebuilding

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 11:15pm
Hey--I am right there with you on the H cleaning the car with lysol.....and while he's at it maybe suggest he spray his crotch!!

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