Need Help - Don't Know What to Do
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Need Help - Don't Know What to Do
| Thu, 11-17-2011 - 3:58pm |
I had originally posted on the relationship saver board but since then have found out my husband has been cheating.
We have been married 14 years - 2 kids - we have had a lot of financial and job stresses in our lives the past few years.
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Let me get this right, your point-- for the BETRAYER-- if the BS leaves it can be easier.
Sadinia,
Still Standing,
As to the character thing, I'm still trying to figure out that whole thing. I know my husband character was and is flawed. Character can be re-built, and I think it is harder for someone to stay in their marriage, do the hard work to change, than it is to leave and start fresh.
Your husband is still very much in the throws of his addiction and he will do and say whatever he can to keep it all. But you deserve much much more. I think that if you put your foot down, layed out some ground rules. He might be shocked. Please go see an attorney for a consult, I know for myself I felt empowered after. It really was the information that I needed to go forward with or without him. We r here for you!
Your NOT a bad judge of character. The problem is he is not the man he was the day you married him. I believe that some people do change after marriage. The honeymoon period ends after a year or two and reality sets in. Some people eventually become bored and restless with the reality of daily life and go out seeking things they think are going to add excitement to their lives (like affairs)
Do I believe people go thru MLC? Yes. But can you blame affairs or other bad behavior on MLC ? No I don't think so. I know several married men who went thru midlife WITHOUT having an affair on their wives, so I don't buy the man goes thru midlife crisis and has an affair scenario. My H had an affair only 3 years into our marriage at age 23, so I certainly could not blame that on a MLC. or depression, Only thing I blamed it on was his stupidity and bad decision making, plus not thinking ahead to the consequences of his behavior. Thing is most people that get into affairs don't think they are going to get caught , but they eventually get sloppy and get caught. Look he had the option (they all did) of coming to you and telling you if he was unhappy in your marriage. .He could have had the decency to come talk to you about it instead of using it as an excuse to go out and have an affair. I know your afraid but you need to put your foot down and tell him you won't tolerate this anymore and you never agreed to an open marriage. As long as you allow him to treat you like this he will continue doing so.
Thank you to everyone with their helpful posts.
Today I'm really struggling with how do you reconcile the man your H used to be (and you truly believe he is deep down inside) with what what he has become?
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