Need more advice please help sorry very long

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Need more advice please help sorry very long
Sat, 12-21-2013 - 11:18am

Thank you for your replies on the photos sent to Gmail.  Ever since that time, I have been actively searching.  There has been nothing on both emails, no suspicious voice messages; however I found that there are Suggested posts on his facebook; AYI and OURTIME, both dating websites. 

In his Gmail spam there have been SEVERAL Promotional emails from Anastasia date team, Aisan beauties and Amolatina…

One spam email was SUBJECT: Status of your account

“Thank you for participation in our gentlemans catolog listing. Our records indicate that you have not been actively participaing in our progam lately.  Therefore we are deactivating your listing.  To reactivate your listing, your Asian beauty login is UT11200 and your password is UT3220M.”

He got another email from AYI, with subject: ARE YOU INTERESTED?

“Your profile is imcomplete.  Just add one more step to build your profile on AYI!  Click on the button below to get started and see who’s interested in you.  Thanks! AYI-Are you interested?”

“You are receiving this email because you signed up for an account with AYI-Are You Interested.  To ensure you receive alerts when you have messages and matches, please add nofifs@mail.ayi.com to your email address book.”

I deleted this email from his mailbox and signed up myself for it.  I now have several emails daily from men…He has not been getting any emails from woman which means he did not sing up????

I have a friend who went to PI school who is trying to convince me that no one gets that type of spam email unless they are actively signing up for these types of websites.  He also said that the suggested posts on facebook is also because of what my boyfriend is doing (He is basically saying that where’s there is smoke there is fire).  I have known him for about 30 years and lately he has been taking about us taking the relationship to the next step; but my feelings for him are platonic and I don’t know if he is lying about my boyfriend with a hidden agenda. 

My female friend told me that this is all spam, boyfriend is doing nothing wrong and I am overreacting…That he may be going on porn (Which he is open about going on porn) and that she does not think he is actively going on any dating sites. 

BF has been making comments lately about cheating, saying that “Marriage is not what is used to be, I have one male friend who is cheating on his wife, I have another male friend who cheated on his wife when they were separated and she never found out and they are now back together and happy, I have a female friend who is a newlywed and is already cheating”  And “If you cheat on me I don’t want to know about it, why put myself thru pain when I am powerless over what you and I cannot stop you if you cheat.”

The therapist will not give an opinion, only saying that I had a Trigger, caused him to have trigger and to “Wait it out, don’t have any expectations and if you catch him cheating then leave him.”  (If you don't already know my BF's son died in June and his then wife cheated after, his oldest son died in December and his then gf cheated on his shortly after)..The therapist thinks he associates trauma with cheating…

He just paid for my car to have work on and the bill was $600 for my Christmas gift.  Would he do that if he was on dating websites and wanting to f%%k around? 

He is currently on another business trip, coming home on New Year’s Eve.  Am I overreacting or do I have something to worry about? Thanks and God bless, and I hope you all have a great holiday.

Christy