Need Peace of Mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2012
Need Peace of Mind
4
Sun, 07-29-2012 - 10:24am

I come here when I need to feel at peace with myself again, so as not to do anything stupid.  I have been doing good and trying hard to focus on working on our marriage, and so has my husband.  Things seem to be getting better with each passing day.  But I do have anxiety and my mind seems to travel at times...like today.

I just wish all of these feelings would completely disappear!  I don't know why I could be washing the bathroom floor and suddenly "the bitch" pops into my head!  Why?  What triggers these thoughts and how the hell do I get rid of them?!  I write in a journal, we go to couples therapy, I take kickboxing and zumba to release anger and negative energy.  I don't know what else I can do to stop my mind from wandering!!!  ARGH!  Sometimes I just feel psychotic!  I want and NEED my mind back again!!   

What am I doing wrong?  :smileyfrustrated:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 12:19pm
you are doing nothing wrong, it just goes that way...at least thats my opinion. your mind is bound to wonder and think of things, you suffered a major blow. my mind was terrible and i would just go around and around, i started on cylexa an anti anxiety med and its like night and day. i still think about it and get upset and still have emotions and feelings but i am able to stop my mind and move forward instead of dwelling and getting more and more upset. its not the choice for everyone but it saved me. hoping to be off of it sooner then later but it has allowed me to really work on us and we have been doing great. depression and anxiety are major and i didn't;t even realize how bad things were. anyways i think you are processing it all and doing great! it is a bumpy road and you are bound to have bad days and good days. have you talked to your counselor about this? maybe she or he will have some calming techniques or something to help you?? hope it gets better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 2:41am
Hello, Sorry to hear what you are going through. I too have the same issues. For me in the beginning after D-Day something in my brain would click and I would think about everything and get mad all over again. I think it is self preservation for me like my brain telling me not to be a moron and once a cheater always a cheater and did I really let him get off the hook this easily. It especially happened more when our R was going well. Like I would lie awake at night and watch him sleep like a baby thinking how is this fair. It has been over a year now and my M is a lot better than it was but I still have those times and I still bring up the past since my mind still goes there and probably always will. It just happens with less frequency as time goes on. I came up with things that I do. I have songs saved on my phone that I will put on, or I will go for a walk, or put my gloves on and take a few swings at my heavy bag in my garage.(the single best purchase I made after DDay) Sending hugs, it just sucks so many good people are going through this crap : ( K
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2012
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 1:08pm

Just want to say "Thank You" for your responses & most of all support.  If I had one wish..Hmmm....A New Fresh Mind!