Need to vent and need advice...

Thread Options

Find a Conversation

hurtinmr
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
 Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

Pages

Signatures On
peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Tue, 02-07-2012 - 1:11pm
I think you should start out with the marriage counseling and go from there. I seriously doubt that the counselor will in any way encourage him to leave and go be with the other woman. Marriage counselors are there to help struggling couples save their marriage, not to encourage divorce. It's a good thing that he is willing to go to counseling and work on the marriage as some men aren't and basically just walk out. A good MC can give you exercises to help you reconnect. GOOD LUCK.
ollie2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Tue, 02-07-2012 - 3:20pm

Hugs hurtimr!

myradorn
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 2:10am

Ollie about said it all.

 

hurtinmr
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 11:38am

Well, he has removed her as a friend on Facebook and has told her to cut contact.

peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 12:10pm
I think only time will tell whether the marriage can be rebuilt. It will be a gradual process. The counseling should really help. And yes passion does tend to fade after many years of marriage, but you can renew your passion for each other if you really want it. Start slow by doing something simple like taking a daily walk together and hand holding, and then throw in a few kisses.Renewing the passion will also be a gradual process but it is possible if you BOTH want it.
kinnerdgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2012
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 12:25pm
I'm going to try to tread lightly here because I recently had an A with a man who is married ( as am I) it was, the worst decision of my life. Try to get your husband to join this site...EAS board. Let him hear from all of us who nearly ruined our lives, destroyed our spouses, endangered our kids. Let him hear from all of us who had to go NC with the affair partner for a month in order to see we were never in love with them...only the feelings they brought us. If he does that, he will probably figure it out, too. The empty hole hr was trying to fill with her can be filled with you...the problem was in himself and she was a bandaid. He loved what age elevated him to. But no person in their right mind leaves 19 years and a family behind for two months of sweet talk and a fantasy. Real life seems boring compared to it and so will his RL with her, if he ever chose that.
Ask him to.join ivillage...EAS or after your affair board. It will be his wake up call. Good luck to you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am suffering deeply and sadly in my case, I know I deserve it. You do not.
"No one can make you feel lnferior with out your consent" ~Eleanor Roosevelt
ollie2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 12:30pm

"And he has pretty much told me that although he is committed to working on our marriage, he doesn't see how it will work because he can't imagine feeling "that way" towards me again."

Oh Hon., that statement does not show a man "committed" to working on his M, IMO.

ollie2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 12:33pm

Kinnerdgirl,

peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:52pm
I also thought that statement didn't sound too good. BUT if he can pull his head out of the A fog and get that his A isn't reality maybe he'd come around. I can't help but remember how "in love " my H swore he was with the OW, and how quickly that fog lifted when the relationship was tested in real life.






myradorn
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: hurtinmr
Re: Need to vent and need advice...
 Wed, 02-08-2012 - 3:12pm

I have a sneaky suspicion that just sitting there in counseling thinking it'll magically help without being serious about it is pretty common.

 

Pages

Quick links
or Register to join the conversation.
Latest from the board
See all discussions

Memeber Support

Visit our Member Support area or browse the iVillage Help forum
Q:Where can I change my password?
A:Log in, go to Edit My Preferences, and click the Account tab. Make and save your changes.
Goto Support