Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 2:11pm
Towhurtinabby, I have done the same thing! I called her and told her who I was and needed to know her side. I told her my side and told her how my husband and I were not separated or living in separate rooms. He was still in our bed and we were still being intimate and he had been lying to both of us. He had told her he was single and separated and he told me he just worked with her and she was not his type at all! My bells rang inside and sent me into non-trust mode, which paid off! He had been having 5 affairs and she was the last...I don't think he's even faithful with her!! My point is, I told her she had to meet me so I can see what she looked like and talk to her cause once the trust is gone, what is left of your marriage! Sometimes the adulterer can change but it comes down to can you get past this and can you trust him again!? Ask others about rebuilding and about speaking with the other woman. It worked for me, and I found out more things (the truth) cause he wasn't saying everything cause like he said "I didn't want to hurt you more!" not realizing what he had already done! She gave me closure and a sense of my dignity and pride and strength to walk away. I am sending you strength!! Never easy and every situation is different , and it is your life and decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 10:52pm

to towhurtinabby:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 9:58am

Hi hurtinmr,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 12:37pm
I agree with Ollie. I don't think the poster was trying to be mean at all. She was just being realistic about her situation and that sometimes it don't work out in the end, but she came out of it happy. My H had a PA almost 30 years ago, and an EA 4 years ago and we are still together and happy enough because he finally gets it now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 1:20pm

I don't understand all of the acronyms used on this board... what is PA?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 1:39pm

Hi hurtinmr,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 7:19pm
I also agree that towhurtinabby wasn't putting anything to upset you. Sending you strength and sending hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 4:27pm

I have had some communication with the OW by facebook messages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 5:11pm

(((hurtinmr)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 6:40pm
Just as Oliie said, she is trying to manipulate you into giving up on your marriage. She wants him for herself and will do anything to get him away from you. BTDT.

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