Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 4:49am
can I ask a question? who messaged who? did she contact you to be spiteful or did you because you needed to and your mind was racing? the reason I ask is I did the same thing! I messaged the other woman and I also called her!! I was the one to initiate contact and the thought of not knowing what she looked like or telling her to back off was driving me insane!! I finally did this and then once I did , the things she said haunted me and still do! I can't get this off my mind and still can't get the thoughts out them together out of my mind!! I can't get it out of my dreams and not think about it and had to finally realize that in my couselling sessions, that it had gone to far and was not able to be salvaged. still hard but could live like that anymore!! I deserved better!! I will never be second to any woman!!!!! You are not pathetic in any way!! you are married and take your vows very serious , like i did!! I think what you are doing is exactly what I have done and so have others!! I agree with ollie...don't let her rent the space...but sounds like the contact with the other woman has already done the damage! do what 'you ' need to do for you and your kids! sorry if this offends you, really not trying to !!! we have been there before, just trying to help!! please don't be mad! you asked for truth and help and my heart breaks for you and your family!!! again...not pathetic!!! just keep open mind!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 7:48pm

I did make first contact... I sent her a message on Facebook asking her to respect our marriage and the fact that we were trying to work things out.

I am so confused because my husband tells me that although he loves the OW, he is strong in his resolve to stay and work on our marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 7:56pm
He needs to cut off ALL contact with her if he is really serious about working on the marriage. If he doesn't it just won't work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 9:25pm

peaceyma is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 12:12am

the 180?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 2:00am
OMG! so he is lying right to your face saying one thing and doing another, what freakin nerve! I am so sorry!! Once the trust is gone you really have nothing! You said he has been still talking to her and keeping in touch and then you found out he has been seeing her at his work...your head must be spinning!!! so not only is she keeping in touch with him but he is saying "i love you"?! wtf!!! thought he was gonna have no contact! thought he was gonna stay away and asked her to do the same!! he obviously is not listening to you or what you need and want!! can you live like this? can you keep wondering what he is doing every minute he is not with you? this is just like what I told you i went thru with my ex!!! i am so sorry!! when you said he got a letter at work, that mean s she has been there before! how many times, what do they do? omg!!!! my husband would meet her at his work and do horrid things in my minivan and then come home to me!! discusting!! I had to get checked for stds and other things ( i am fine thought, thank god!!) but she has herpes and now so does my exhusband!! My ex couldn't stay away and it haunts me to what was happening behind my back. I don't want you to be played for the fool but sounds like he is saying anything to you to get you to back off and still having his fun!!! be careful and make sure your needs are met!!! worried about you!!! please let me know your ok!!! again sooooo sorry!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 10:16am

((((hurtinmr)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 11:21pm

Well, he's gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 2:00am
I know this is really devastating for you, but it has come to the point where you need to let him go find out if the grass is greener. He's deep in the affair fog right now but it won't last. 4 ever. Reality will soon set it. I got fed up because my H would not stop seeing OW, so left my H. It took my H only 2 weeks of living with the OW before he realized she was a moody b---h and came running back. So there's always hope that maybe your H will come to see her in a whole different light in a short time too. So how did he explain his leaving to the kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 5:17am
omg! I am so sorry that this happened!! I really was pulling for you with the therapy and the fresh start! 9 days is just insulting...he sounds cold, distant and so casual about this situation. You need to take care of your kids and you! This is your 1st priority! You need to be healthy and in the right frame of mind to get through this, worried about you!! this is unreal for me to hear you going thru this so I can only image how bad it is for you.

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