Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 9:18am

I'm so sorry hurtinmr. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 10:37am

He told the kids that he hasn't been happy for 8 or 9 years and that he forgot what it could feel like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 11:09am
If you call around a bit you can find some lawyers that will give you a free initial consultation. At least you can find out what you would be entitled to if it comes down to a divorce. He will have to pay child support, and if he is making considerably more than you he may have to pay alimony for a few years (since he has left the family home) Or you could just wait this out for a while and see if he decides to come crawling back. As ollie said, affair relationships often times don't last very long .They are based on fantasy and once tested out in real 24/7 life that fantasy bubble often bursts very quickly. The main thing right now is to eat right and take care of yourself so that you can take care of the kids. They will need you now that their dad has his head up his arse. ((((((HUGS))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 11:19am

Oh hurtimr, I am so sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 1:57am

I am having a hard time tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 9:12am

Hurtinmr,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 5:44pm
Hurtinmr
I agree with Ollie you have to start working on yourself and get to a possitive space so that you can begin to heal. You really need to focus more on yourself and your kids go for walks, take them to the park or a movie or swimming anything to keep you all busy. I know this hurts like hell right now but it doesn't last forever this I can promise you I've been where you are right now I found myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression until one day I decided that what my ex did was no longer going to run my every thought and every emotion. Stand up dust yourself off and say NO MORE I AM AND WILL BE HAPPY FOR MYSELF AND FOR MY KIDS!! Kids bounce back quicker than you think you have to try really hard now to not show the kids your upset cause they will and do respond to you and how and what you're feeling again I know this is hard but just believe in yourself and know that you are stronger than you give yourself credit. I also agree with Ollie that you should keep your conversations with your H just about the kids at this point asking him where he is and what he is doing is just hurting you in the end. You need to show him that you are strong and that with or without him you can and will make it thur this you have lots of support here and we have all been thru this and we are better and happier women for what we have gone thru we are proof that you can and will be HAPPY AGAIN and maybe even happier with your next relationship than the one with him. REMEMBER YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and somewhere out there your true love is waiting for you to find him or maybe he is already looking for you :) you never know whats out there till you take a step back and take a good long look Here's hoping you will find the strength to move onwards and upwards good luck Hurtinmr and big hugs from your friend in cyber world :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 10:58pm

Thank you so much for all of your words of support and encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 3:46am
Hurtinmr

Just want to let you know again that we are all here for you whenever you need us we are just a message away :) Keep positive thoughts and stay strong YOU CAN AND WILL MAKE IT THRU ALL OF THIS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS... All you should worry about now is yourself and your kids keep active and remember deep cleansing breaths in times of stress... You are not pathetic for how you are feeling or what you are thinking but try not to get your hopes up it is better to expect the worst and get the best than expect the best and get the worst (hope that made sense)
One more bit of advice when it comes to your H don't let him see your pain as hard as it is be strong and let him see that you will survive without him the only reason why I'm saying that is for some guys my ex included they seem to thrive if they think you are gonna fall to pieces without them you need to show him that you are and will be fine.
And as far as your parents and what and how to tell them you'll know when the right time to tell them is wether its on skype or when they get home..
Stay strong and keep positve I believe everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be.I know that sounds cheesey but its true... It may not seem like anything positive could possibly come out of all of this but I promise you there will be something maybe not what you expect or what you think you want right now but there will be something..
NO matter what happens this can be a learning experience for you if you let it so learn from it and run with it.. YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU CAN AND WILL COME OUT OF THIS A BETTER, STRONGER, AND WISER WOMAN!!! Take care Hurtinmr and big hugs to you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 9:04am

(((hurtinmr)))

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