Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 11:20pm

For whatever my 2 cents is worth (and with the state of my M who knows if it is worth that much) BUT.... I agree with Ollie in that he needs to go. If he is walking out then close the door behind him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 10:21pm
Sounds like a wise counselor : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 11:57am

I am feeling really lousy today. I just want to curl up in a ball.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 1:20am
Hurtinmr
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way but I want to tell you again that in time you will feel better this is all so very fresh and the only thing that will make this heal is time... I know you are hurting right now and it feels like things will never get better but I assure it does and will get better..
As hard as it is right now you have to try and focus on you and the kids thats it nothing else all the things that seem so overwhelming right now will all work out in the end.. I know I've said this to you before but try and remember to sit back and take a deep breath in and tell yourself you are strong and that you will get thru this..
You will come out of this a STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER WOMAN.. All the things you are thinking right now about your H are all the same things I thought about my ex H I did the same things as fas as reminding myself of all the things he did that absolutely drove me effin crazy just to keep myself from going crazy.. Everything you are feeling right now is totally normal and in time it will pass and maybe one day you will look back at this and say what the HELL was i thinking back then my life is so much better now than it ever was... Keep positive and know that in time everything will be better and try not to let this run your every thought and every waking moment focus on yourself and making yourself happy and then in turn your kids will be happy cause they feed off of your every emotion... STAY POSITIVE GIRL IT WILL GET BETTER AND SOONER THAN YOU THINK!!! BIG HUGS FROM YOUR CYBER FRIEND :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 2:16am
"For years he has been that guy who comes home from work and sits his ass in front of the computer until bedtime" "He hasn't made any effort in this relationship" So in reality it sounds like he had checked out of your marrige a long time ago. He may have been physically there, but he has not been there mentally or emotionally for a long time, and maybe that's how you need to start thinking about this. Do you really want him there if his heart and head are not in it? Truth is if he does come back only out of obligation to the kids and he's not happy, I can pretty much guarantee you that this will happen again, be it with this woman or another one. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but time will eventually make this better. Right now you have to try your hardest to stay strong for yourself and the kids. You just can't let yourself fall apart over this. I highly recommend you get some counseling to help yourself work thru this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 9:31am

(((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 12:46pm
I see myself in you so much hurtinmr. I have been going through this since Oct 30,2011 which was my D-day. I did everything I could do to get my H back...until I was served divorce papers the week of Christmas (nice gift...NOT) I have lost 30 lbs., throw-up every day but you know what...I AM GETTING STRONGER!!! I am seeing a psychologist since the first of this month and that has been a God-send. I wish I had started right after d-day. I am beginning to see my marriage as it is and not what I thought it was. I wanted my 'till death do us part too. I am 61, been with my H since I was 22 and now I find myself in this position. Somehow I will get through this and YOU WILL TOO. There are things we don't want to happen we have to accept Things we don't want to know but must learn People we can't live without we must let go Author unknown I also recite the "Serenity Prayer" Take care of YOU and your kids
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 4:22pm

I got mad at my H today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 5:32pm

Hi hurtinmr,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 12:05am

Hugs to you Hurtinmr. I know the initial shock and the massive head games it plays.

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