Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 10:56am
Hurtunmr
What you're feeling is totally normal when my exh and I first split up I went thru all the phases shock, denial, hurt, angry/hate,and then finally peace calm and happiness and I even went back and forth a few times with all the stages. You telling your H that you hope "he rots in hell" is mild compared to some of the things I said to my ex not saying that it was the adult thing to do in my case but it was how I felt and I wanted him to feel a small amount of what I was feeling.. I also agree with Ollie that you have to try and be civil when dealing with him about the kids cause their happiness is whats important now to and if they see you fighting and name calling all thats doing is upsetting them..As hard as it is to be in this situation we as women we are the ones that sit back and say OK I'm gonna be the bigger person and "I'm not gonna let what he says and does affect me and my life anymore"!!!! One thing that helped me get to that statement was I put sticky notes all over my house with positive sayings on them like I AM A STRONG WOMAN, I WILL MAKE IT THRU THIS, I WILL BE HAPPY, I AM A GREAT MOM, and then there was things that I was gonna do and there was things I wanted to achieve and I did everything I wanted to do and am still doing things that I couldn't do or didn't do when I was with him and now I can honesty say I AM A STRONGER HEALTHIER HAPPIER WOMAN NOW MORE THAN I EVER WAS!! and girl if I can do it you can to.. take care of yourself and your kids and know that this feeling won't last forever and that not now but soon you will be able to look back and say WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY ON HIM!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 1:56am

I got some good news tonight about an issue I've been dealing with at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:13pm
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} I know it seems really bad right now, and I really don't know what to tell you only that I am sure it will get better for you. Just keep putting one foot in front of another and you will get through this. Peace to you and in the mean time, just try to enjoy your good news. Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 1:25pm

Congratulations on the good news at work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 10:50pm

Just when I thought things were getting a bit better... Thinking of taking a stress leave at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 2:41am
Do u have short term disability? I know you can draw it for mental issues and lets face it an A causes mental issues. That way u aren't out as,much. If u can swing it take the time to heal yourself. Better that option than trying to heal plus having discipline options at work.. I have a middle school student and I would take issue with that language coming into the classroom from the teacher. So it may be better for u to take some leave to get back to a, more normal state if u can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 2:02am

I am now on leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 10:39am
Good, I am glad that you were able to swing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 9:22pm

Hurt, I'm 3+ years out, and I've walked through the fire and come out of the other side. My situation is slightly different because my husband wanted to rebuild, and we have done so sucessfully, but the trauma is the same.

I think first, you need to recognize that what we go through after dday is extreme and dibilitating anxiety. You need to seek professional help now, as this can quickly turn into PTSD. With PTSD, we get stuck in the trauma, and one of the symptoms is a feeling of helplessness, which I see in your posts. Here's a website that is very close to the literature that my therapist showed me on the subject ...

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

If you decide to take medication (and I got through without) you need a therapist who can prescribe. This is a better route than letting a doctor who doesn't understand mental health prescribe for you. Your doctor will have a list of therapists, or perhaps your marriage concillor will be able to help.

You also need to reach out to your social network. Have you told your parents yet? Those with a strong network of friends and family tend to do better.

Much of our anxiety comes from worrying about how we will cope financially, which you expressed in one of your posts. Sorting this out will reduce anxiety considerably. Again, reach out ... to the bank, credit card companies etc and work with them. You will be very surprised how well you can cope financially on your own once you work out the details. I did it for 3 years (before I married), and I NEVER imagined that I could stand on my own two feet so successfully.

Be strong, and seek help for the sake of your kids. They

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 2:15pm
how are things going? did he come back yet? have you been working things out? i am so glad your on leave now. take care of you and your kids first!! sending hugs

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