Need to vent and need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Need to vent and need advice...
72
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:45am

My husband and I have been together for 19 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 4:32pm

Hi hurtinmr,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:50pm

Things are confusing... He is living with the OW, but he keeps telling me he is confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 2:15pm
how are things going? did he come back yet? have you been working things out? i am so glad your on leave now. take care of you and your kids first!! sending hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 9:22pm

Hurt, I'm 3+ years out, and I've walked through the fire and come out of the other side. My situation is slightly different because my husband wanted to rebuild, and we have done so sucessfully, but the trauma is the same.

I think first, you need to recognize that what we go through after dday is extreme and dibilitating anxiety. You need to seek professional help now, as this can quickly turn into PTSD. With PTSD, we get stuck in the trauma, and one of the symptoms is a feeling of helplessness, which I see in your posts. Here's a website that is very close to the literature that my therapist showed me on the subject ...

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

If you decide to take medication (and I got through without) you need a therapist who can prescribe. This is a better route than letting a doctor who doesn't understand mental health prescribe for you. Your doctor will have a list of therapists, or perhaps your marriage concillor will be able to help.

You also need to reach out to your social network. Have you told your parents yet? Those with a strong network of friends and family tend to do better.

Much of our anxiety comes from worrying about how we will cope financially, which you expressed in one of your posts. Sorting this out will reduce anxiety considerably. Again, reach out ... to the bank, credit card companies etc and work with them. You will be very surprised how well you can cope financially on your own once you work out the details. I did it for 3 years (before I married), and I NEVER imagined that I could stand on my own two feet so successfully.

Be strong, and seek help for the sake of your kids. They

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 10:39am
Good, I am glad that you were able to swing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 2:02am

I am now on leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 2:41am
Do u have short term disability? I know you can draw it for mental issues and lets face it an A causes mental issues. That way u aren't out as,much. If u can swing it take the time to heal yourself. Better that option than trying to heal plus having discipline options at work.. I have a middle school student and I would take issue with that language coming into the classroom from the teacher. So it may be better for u to take some leave to get back to a, more normal state if u can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 10:50pm

Just when I thought things were getting a bit better... Thinking of taking a stress leave at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 1:25pm

Congratulations on the good news at work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:13pm
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} I know it seems really bad right now, and I really don't know what to tell you only that I am sure it will get better for you. Just keep putting one foot in front of another and you will get through this. Peace to you and in the mean time, just try to enjoy your good news. Take care!

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