My husband and I have been together for 19 years.
Things are confusing... He is living with the OW, but he keeps telling me he is confused.
Hurt, I'm 3+ years out, and I've walked through the fire and come out of the other side. My situation is slightly different because my husband wanted to rebuild, and we have done so sucessfully, but the trauma is the same.
I think first, you need to recognize that what we go through after dday is extreme and dibilitating anxiety. You need to seek professional help now, as this can quickly turn into PTSD. With PTSD, we get stuck in the trauma, and one of the symptoms is a feeling of helplessness, which I see in your posts. Here's a website that is very close to the literature that my therapist showed me on the subject ...
If you decide to take medication (and I got through without) you need a therapist who can prescribe. This is a better route than letting a doctor who doesn't understand mental health prescribe for you. Your doctor will have a list of therapists, or perhaps your marriage concillor will be able to help.
You also need to reach out to your social network. Have you told your parents yet? Those with a strong network of friends and family tend to do better.
Much of our anxiety comes from worrying about how we will cope financially, which you expressed in one of your posts. Sorting this out will reduce anxiety considerably. Again, reach out ... to the bank, credit card companies etc and work with them. You will be very surprised how well you can cope financially on your own once you work out the details. I did it for 3 years (before I married), and I NEVER imagined that I could stand on my own two feet so successfully.
Be strong, and seek help for the sake of your kids. They
I am now on leave.
Just when I thought things were getting a bit better... Thinking of taking a stress leave at work.
Congratulations on the good news at work!