Needing help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2010
Needing help
2
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:18pm

Well, me and my ex were together for 5 years. We started dating March of 2005 and we got married December of 2008. Well, this past March, he was never coming home. He came home maybe for like a couple of days then just leave again. So we split up and were legally seperated. Well, at the of May, we started to talk again and the next weekend he moved out of her house and we got back together. For a month, I thought things have changed and was always tense. In July, he left me high and dry and took everything. Come to find out, he moved back in with the girl he had an affair on me with and they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, just yesterday, I got news that she is pregnant. Granted I had a breakdown because that could of been me. I am currently getting the divorce going, but it will take 4-6 months to get finalized. Should I take him for everything when we go to court or what?? Also, I just need some words of wisdom on how I can get over him and how to move on with my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: iamxtothe10
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 6:58am

Hi iamxtothe10, First thank your lucky stars that you are not spending one more second with a serial cheater! Have you seen an attorney? If not I suggest it. As far as taking him for all he has, well, the attorney will tell you what you can and can not be awarded. A judge will take all of the financial issues in hand but emotions are left at the door of the courtroom. A word of caution, revenge tends to come up and bite you in the booty! I'd just let the old karma bus rev up for your stbx and stay out of it's path;) The karma bus always seems to come around.

Turn your focus of attention off of him and his OW directly onto yourself. As long as you think about him you will not be moving forward with you and you are giving away your own power. Girl, don't give him one more speck of your power and energy!! Keep busy! Focus on your career, your friends and family. I moved out of my exh's house but many other people who stayed in the marital house have told me they totally redecorated to make it their own. Make a list of everything you have wanted to do but haven't been able to and DO them. Exercise, get as healthy as you can. If you can afford a counselor make an appointment asap. Read books on rebuilding your life. A big door of possibility has just opened for you and you can choose to go through it!!! That is what I did and my life is wonderful now. No more worry about what exh is doing with whom. Take a big breath and move forward!

hugs to you, Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2010
In reply to: iamxtothe10
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 4:04pm

Ollie, Thanks so much for giving me this advice. And yes, thank god I am not with him anymore. Yes, I have an attorney. My x has been served, but the divorce won't be finalized for another 4-6 months and he got served in April. But it is taking forever due to the fact that we keep digging up more stuff with our names on it. Plus he doesn't want to simply agree with what the papers say and move on. Oh, I am backing away from getting revenge from him. I am done even dealing with him. Once, this divorce gets finalized, I am will be a happy camper.



Yeah, I kind of noticed that when I start to think about him, my focus goes back to "Well, what could we have done to make things better??" and all those questions then my focus on everything around me goes down. I have been trying to find a job and next fall I am going back to school. Because right when I got out of HS, he told me that if I moved in the dorms at the college I was going to, he wasn't going to come see me or anything. So I stayed at home just for his sake. He was a huge control freak and I am glad I'm done with his crap. Because even if I wanted to hang out with a guy friend that I haven't seen in forever, he threw a temper tantrum and got his way. I wasn't going to cheat on him because I