never broke up with ex-girlfriend...
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|Thu, 01-29-2009 - 5:51pm|
Hi everyone, I would like to share my story and get some advice, a bit long but I will summarize.
2 years ago I met the man that today is my husband, a common friend called him (he used to live in another state very far) and he took a plane just to meet me. He was 51 (he doesn't look at all like 51) and I was 29, we both wanted a family and inmediately decided to have a baby. Well, we started the long distance relationship (like every starting of a relationship) everything was perfect, love letters, poems, a lot of flight tickets, he used to come a lot and I used to go to visit him a lot too because we lived in different states, 3 hr flight away. Well, he told me that he had a girlfriend that lived with him for 9 years, and for the last couple of years he did not touch her, they lived like roommates, she did not want to marry him or to have kids, but they were very good friends, she moved away from his house to another city, he helped move her, they keep the friendship but they never had a clear cut of the relationship. Six months after she moved out of the house I met him and we started our relationship. He told me about this woman, and he told me that they were very good friends, and that he has to keep the friendship with her because his house is in her name due to some financial difficulties he had in the past. Well, I trusted him and did not make a big deal out of it. In the meantime our relationship was very good, we were so much in love, we visit each other a lot, and I spent holidays and Christmas with him in his house therefore I was absolutely sure that there was nothing between them, just friendship as he told me. In the meantime I got pregnant, things started to get complicated with the house, he thought he was going to be able to sell it and get out of the situation but is a very BIG house and the market hasn't been really good lately, and I was away, in another state, pregnant, working, living alone but still he visited me frequently, we got married before having the baby. After I had my baby I found out an email she sent to him recently were she is giving him the phone of the tenants (because they could not sell the house, they rented)and she is calling him "daddy" and at the end of the email she send "kisses and licks" from "mommy". I freaked out, my husband said that the "kisses and licks" is because the dog they had and the dog is with her. He said he cannot tell her that he is married and have a baby because he could lose the house. I send her an email (just to test) saying that we were dating and that I wanted to know if they have a relationship so I could get out. She freaked out and started to call every one of my husband family, they have to lie to her too, they told her that he is alone and that there is nothing to worry about. well, my husband swore in our baby's head that they have nothing and that they just friends but he cannot tell her about us yet because he could lose the house. Well, finally three weeks ago she found out on a website that I did with pictures of us as a family, pictures of the baby and pictures of the three of us, she freaked out big time and started to call everyone in my husband's family, my husband blamed me saying that I did so much damage by doing that website, and that now he is financially ruined, he told me he was just buying time until the house is sold, then he was going to tell her. Then I saw an email that she sent to him two days ago, and she said that with this he ended what they had for nine years, and she said that she always were loyal to him and stood by him every time he needed it, etc etc etc, and that they have to cut any kind of relationship they have, financially and otherwise. My husband did not talked to me for a couple of days, and now he said that he regret what he did to her, and he said that I should have trust him more that he loves me and not done that website. He said that he never found the right moment to tell her the truth about our marriage and the baby. I feel so bad, even though they had a friendship I don't know what to think. He said he did not want to hurt her because she is very lonely and they were very good friends. But I was not going to be able to go on knowing that my husband is very good friend with his ex.
I don't know what to think, my husband lives in another state, we are far away, but we see almost every weekend, he flights on Thursdays and leave on Mondays, he is academia that's why the schedule allows him to do that.
I don't know what to believe, even though she knows the truth now, I feel betrayed, sometimes I think I should get out of this marriage, sometimes I feel angry, sad, anxious, mad...I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I should work out this situation...we have a beautiful 6 months old baby, and he really really loves him.