Never would have thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Never would have thought
6
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 9:30pm
I never thought i would find myself posting here on a message board like this. I posted on one during my last pregnancy and found the words of my co posters to be those of wisdom or at least unbiased listening ears. I've known for almost 2 months now that my H cheated on me. I found out by accident I was looking in email for a schedule notice for the bug company and noticed emails from Facebook. Then I noticed he was now texting someone like he was in high school. And the kicker is I log in to our MSN account to see a status update of a picture of a woman and him and an email saying how much she enjoyed being with him. how much she loved him that he's her whole entire world…. I confronted him about it. He said he met up with her in VA and only slept with her once. But that it was my fault as he’s felt that there have been issues between us for a while.. to much to go into here. Doesn’t help that he lives in CA during the week. But any way we decided that we need to work on it and spend time together… so I took a week of work and drove out to spend time with him… all the while he’s still texting and Im’ing didn’t find out till after but he arranged to meet up with her again while telling me he wants to work on things with us. I found this out while on vacation with him and his family… To which I confront him again he promises me that this time it’s over… but he does nothting to make me feel comfortable that he's being faithful. We tried talking to each other he would drink and get verbally abusive. So I told him he can’t talk to me if he’s been drinking which has turned into him barely talking to me at all. I started seeing a marriage therapist hasn’t gotten him to one yet. Who counseled me to ask for his new IM information and copies of any contact.. to which when I did turned into a night mare he was angry and defensive and took two hours to agree. To which I get give access to an empty email account and IM with no contacts. He deleted everything. I was so ready to try and make it work but the empty email account was like a final straw I told him not to bother coming home any more.. Now I’m worried I over reacted. So very sad and alone. N
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 12:00pm
Welcome to the board and big ((HUGS)).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 8:30pm
Him saying that stuff about YOU having an affair is just an excuse to turn this all around on you and blame shift. He accuses you of doing it so it's justification for him doing it. POPPYCOCK I would not believe ANYTHING he says if I were you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 7:02pm

Thank you for your words. Yes he does live and work in CA during the week. though it feels like all the time. he didn't come home last weekend as he "needed" a break to do some work.. never mind i have the 2 kids, dog, house and extreamly stresful job all going on at the same time. So i relanted about this weeked becuase he has promised to take monday off for his first appointment for IC. I have been going and it's helpd me ground some of my feeling from the crazy person that has been running aound in my shoes.


I truly do feel that there is something he is hideing. the deleted account resolved nothing he got mad at me. whcih i don't understand he's all but your spieing on me to which i replied if you where honest and shared i woudln't have to ask these things. Not sure how he will behave when hes here and i ask him for his work phone if i find the courage. i so hate fighting


the worst part is he says the A

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 2:02pm
I'm so sorry you are going through this, believe me when I tell you I feel your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 12:59pm
Yes, the fact that he deleted everything before he gave you access is proof that he is probably still seeing her. Otherwise he would have let you see it right away without a 2 hour delay (and time to delete everything of course) And the fact that he got all angry and defensive about it also speaks volumes. Do these men really think we're that naive? You absolutely did the right thing, cause in my opinion he is still seeing this woman and trying to hide it from you. He had no intention of working on the marriage if he was texting and Im'ing her while you were there and then arranged to meet her again after you left. I am so sorry you are having to go thru this, but better to know the truth than to allow him to keep lying and cheating. And don't doubt yourself either, you did the right thing. He should have stood up and been a man and been truthful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:30am

Hi..


Sorry you are have to be here...


After my own experience and reading the boards, it seems like the cheating spouse is never forthcoming..They seem to think that if they keep denying and hiding that somehow we will buy into it....Little do they know that we can see through it all.....


I caught my H texting my friend 20 to a 100 times a day..and also texting an ex 20 to 100 times a day....


When caught he said "I was just catching up" Oh so you need to catch up 20 to a 100 times a day? Yeah Right....


My H didnt phsically cheat and I am certain, but the emotional betrayl was enough to send me right over the edge....


I have access to the emails, phone bill etc..He stopped texting them however they are still on FB with him wich eats me alive, but at least I am comfortable there is no private messaging going on....


I dont think you did the wrong thing by telling him not to come home..It sounds like he was continuing the affair....Throwing him out may be the only thing that wakes him up and realize what he has at home..And if he doesnt realize it, than you deserve better...


I know no matter what...If my H had continued the texting I could never have let him stay in the house...I couldnt live with it...and I love my h very dearly and very deeply. We have been together for 17 years....as it is I was sooooooo very close to tossing him out, I dont think he even realizes how close it was....but I can tell you it was darn close...The betrayl just hurts soooo very bad......


Good luck to youl