New here, just recently betrayed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2012
New here, just recently betrayed...
16
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 5:51am

Hello everyone,

Although its sad to see so many people posting on here, in a way it makes me feel better to know Im not alone in feeling the way I do.

I found out on Sunday that my husband of 5 years has been sleeping with a colleague. It floored me. I knew that we hadnt been that happy recently (stress of work, pressures of having a young child, money worries - the usual stuff) but I never expected that he would find someone else.

So now Im left wondering where we go from here. I love him, he says he loves me. I would like to save our marriage, he says he isnt sure. He is worried that if we try again, we might just end up unhappy a year down the line and have wasted our time.

Without a decision from him as to how to proceed, Im left in limbo... He said he knows we need to talk but that he also wants us to try and act normally. Normally. Really!?! How can I be anywhere near normal after what hes done? I cant seem to get my head straight. I have moments where I think "Yes, I love him and we can get through this together". Then I wobble and think "Can I ever get over this, stop thinking about them together and trust him again".

I guess what Im after is hope.

For someone to say that theyve been there, done that, felt that way but got past it, moved on and now have a happy wonderful marriage.

Or am I just kidding myself?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 4:58pm

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 4:44pm

Noel,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 6:39pm
Typical of a cheater to turn around and blame his cheating on you isn't it. When they blame you for their affair and don't have ANY remorse, I think they'll just end up doing it again because THEY of course did NOTHING wrong. Good luck with starting a new life without him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 6:16pm

Hi~ I wanted to tell you my story as I am 5 months into trying to salvage my marriage after my husband cheated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 10:58am
I just found out last night about my H's A. He confessed and apologized. I am struggling. He's let me read all the text messages and any correspondence they had. I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I am left wondering all the things you are and asking the same questions. It is nice to know I am not alone, but I wish I didn't have to go through it at all. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 11:30pm

Ollie, about this time last year I gave a shot at a new therapist who accepts our insurance.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 10:46am

Great post Myra!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 5:34pm

If he's willing to do whatever it takes to help you learn to forgive him, there's always a chance.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:24pm
Sorry posting from my phone...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:24pm
I had a similar experience to the above two OPs...ex wouldn't go to counseling b/c he didn't want his affair to come out...he was leading me on...sleeping w/both of us-acted as though he was "working on it" only if he had been counseling would've been the most important...ultimately it was all just another lie-he
wanted it to "look good" when he decided to end it so
there wouldn't be an ugly battle-well he was wrong...also there were periods of what you are describing...what I realized much later was the OW was probably directing a lot of it and he wasn't 100 percent sure of his decision...your DH is probably still seeing her which is probably contributing to his indecisiveness...
there would fight when I found out he was cheating

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