I have been lurking here for about a week I guess.
Hi katka83, first ((((hugs)))!I may not be understanding but are you living with your H?You said "I don't believe what he says any more". I'm afraid you can not believe a thing he says, his actions speak louder than words. IMHO you need to look into your own heart and mind and decide what you are worth, what you will live with and if your H is willing and able to provide you with the respect you deserve and what you need in a true partnership. You DO deserve his respect and love! If he is unwilling or unable to provide that to you I hope you can muster the strength to move on. I am not a spring chicken and I am starting over at the age of 50--very happily I might add!!
It is a good thing that you are going to counseling whether he goes or not. I will say, in my experience, you can not make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You also can not make a marriage work by yourself. I wish you the best and I hope you look deeply within and see your incredible value with or without your H!!!
His stuff is still in the house (well, most of it)... but he's still national guard and works at his unit whenever possible (9 hours from our new home).
Just something I would never find myself wondering not even 2 years into a marriage (almost 5 years into the relationship).
Have you read the "Just Friends" book that I see recommendations for? I am thinking that may be helpful to me...
Hi Katka83, Yes I read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It is a great book and helped me a lot. I left it with my exh when I moved out;) I discovered my ex's A after we were married a little over two years. I am grateful I discovered it when I did and I didn't spend any more of my life with him. My ex h has a serious flaw within himself and will probably repeat this over and over. Thankfully that is no longer my problem.
You just have to lay it on the line with your H. Tell him what you need and expect in your marriage and watch his actions don't just listen to his words. Whichever road you take, rebuilding or divorcing, each are difficult but you will get through it.
hang in there, Ollie
I wanted to write back because I have been through so much of what you are writing about now.