New here... long

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
New here... long
6
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 3:05pm

I have been lurking here for about a week I guess.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:14pm
Three things one do not get pregnant! 2nd see about an annulment. Third have you thought that this is him? That the experiences he had have changed him. War does that. It changes you.
Get the DVD of the movie Troy. See that the mind set has not changed in a thousand years and the movie Warlords with Jet li to see the changes in people.
Hoe can you have an enjoyable weekend? By compartmentalization of your feelings and thoughts!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:15am

Good morning:


I wanted to write back because I have been through so much of what you are writing about now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 8:26pm

Hi there,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 5:19pm

Hi Katka83, Yes I read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It is a great book and helped me a lot. I left it with my exh when I moved out;) I discovered my ex's A after we were married a little over two years. I am grateful I discovered it when I did and I didn't spend any more of my life with him. My ex h has a serious flaw within himself and will probably repeat this over and over. Thankfully that is no longer my problem.

You just have to lay it on the line with your H. Tell him what you need and expect in your marriage and watch his actions don't just listen to his words. Whichever road you take, rebuilding or divorcing, each are difficult but you will get through it.

hang in there, Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 9:34pm

Thanks Ollie,

His stuff is still in the house (well, most of it)... but he's still national guard and works at his unit whenever possible (9 hours from our new home).

Just something I would never find myself wondering not even 2 years into a marriage (almost 5 years into the relationship).

Have you read the "Just Friends" book that I see recommendations for? I am thinking that may be helpful to me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 9:23pm

Hi katka83, first ((((hugs)))!
I may not be understanding but are you living with your H?
You said "I don't believe what he says any more". I'm afraid you can not believe a thing he says, his actions speak louder than words. IMHO you need to look into your own heart and mind and decide what you are worth, what you will live with and if your H is willing and able to provide you with the respect you deserve and what you need in a true partnership. You DO deserve his respect and love! If he is unwilling or unable to provide that to you I hope you can muster the strength to move on. I am not a spring chicken and I am starting over at the age of 50--very happily I might add!!

It is a good thing that you are going to counseling whether he goes or not. I will say, in my experience, you can not make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You also can not make a marriage work by yourself. I wish you the best and I hope you look deeply within and see your incredible value with or without your H!!!

hugs, Ollie