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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2011
New Here
7
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 10:19am

I am new to the message board scene but thought maybe I could get some thoughts on my situation.

My H & I have been married for 23 years & have children. We have of course have had our issues over that time but nothing like this. I found out a couple of weeks ago, after an arguement that he went to a singles site & contacted a women. They exchanged information & several text messages were sent. I found out & confronted him. I am completely devasted by this. He has apologized over & over & swears he will do anything to try to make this work. He takes full responsiblity for his actions but says he was feeling very loney, neglected & angry that I didn't have time for him. He said he woke up the next day & felt horrible, deleted all the text & did not respond when she tried to contact him the next day, phone records verify this. I am so hurt & confused. He must have wanted me to find out b/c he used a joint email to first contact her. I am torn on rather this can work out. Was it a wake up call & a sign that he needs more from me or was it a message that he really could careless about us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2011
In reply to: hc2me
Sat, 08-27-2011 - 10:17pm

I do realize that he could make other accounts but I don't think he currently has any or he wouldn't have used a joint account. I am not going to completely trust him no way he destroyed that. I do think it would be hard for him to do much that required money as our money is DD & we share an account. I am putting a keylogger on all of our computer. It will be a long time before I can even start to think about trying to trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
In reply to: hc2me
Sat, 08-27-2011 - 8:34pm

Ollie, you're always so helpful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: hc2me
Sat, 08-27-2011 - 12:00pm
Problem is when people are feeling very neglected at home they often seek out that attention elsewhere. Not that it's ever right or excusable, BUT It's a good thing you did find out about this before he went thru with anything with her. He knows you have access to all his e mail accounts, so maybe it's that he really wanted to get caught to get your attention, otherwise he could have easily created another e mail account just for shady business, which probably shows you he wasn't thinking this thru at all but acting impulsively on feelings. Since he seems very remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes (including going to counseling) to fix this, I think you should try to save your marriage. It would probably be foolish to throw away all those years on a one time rash action. Now if this was a second or third time you caught him doing this my advice would be to leave. GOOD LUCK


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2011
In reply to: hc2me
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 3:45pm

well the sad thing is he actually did several times over the last year. We have had a rough year with finances & some illness & more than once he expressed his feeling. I guess I was just too caught up in life & didn't pay attention. I am not excusing what he did at all but I do take responsibility for knowing how he felt & not doing anything about it.

thank you for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: hc2me
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 3:39pm

I really think counseling will help both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2011
In reply to: hc2me
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 2:34pm

he has taken full responsiblity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: hc2me
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 2:03pm

Hugs hc2me!