New here..long time coming

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2012
New here..long time coming
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 12:17pm

Hi..I met my DH in 1998. When I moved in with him, I discovered over 3000 pics of women on his computer. He has a pantyhose/shoe fetish and a pregnant woman fetish. There were other sex pics too of course. I was upset and he promised to stop looking/downloading and we deleted all of the pics he had (which ultimately wound up crashing the computer.)

Anyway, over the years I have "caught" him with pics on his work computer, his home laptop, his PHONE, etc. And always the same thing "I promise I'll stop." The last time we went through this I thought I had finally gotten through to him and he stopped. Well, last night I discovered an email address he has and he is part of 2 Yahoo groups dedicated to sexy women pics and pantyhose, etc.

My biggest problem is I've told him time and time again, that at this point if he's going to look at these pictures fine whatever. Obviously he will never stop, but if I ask him if he's looking to NOT LIE about it because that just pisses me off worse than if he's looking. I mean, wouldn't you get mad if you found stuff after you asked and he bold face lied to you??

I'm no angel. I cheated on him about 5 or 6 years ago and it was partly due to this. He was making me feel like crap as far as my self esteem went and our sex life was pretty much non-existant. I really thought our marriage might be over. I regretted what I did and still do to this day. I also feel like he hasn't forgiven me, even though he says he has and he doesn't want to talk about it. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but there are many days where I don't feel he does. I've also gained 100 pounds since we met and I KNOW that is a factor even though, again, he swears he's fine with me. But if he lies about the pictures and websites, how do I know he's not lying about the other stuff. I feel like I can't believe a word he says anymore.

I realize I'm babbling. I just don't know where to begin. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I wasn't sure where to look on the internet for a forum or something to join. Ivillage is the only place I could think of.

Anyway, I'm hoping I can get some support and maybe find some people to talk to. If you know where to direct me for that, that would be great. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 2:52pm
First off, sorry your hurting over this, Your H has a porn addiction and probably doesn't want to face and admit his addiction. You can ask that he go get help for this, but it he won't, you have 2 choices, either live with it or decide that this is a dealbreaker for you and leave. Sorry but I really don't see any other choices.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 3:43pm

Hi adgdl78,

I have to agree with peaceyma that it sounds like your H has an addiction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 2:49pm

ivillage.jpg picture by tracijean84