New, need advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
New, need advice..
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 3:04pm
So while doing my homework I was texting back and forth with my DH(he is in the Army at a pre deployment training in Louisiana)...
We were talking about math and all the sudden I get this very sexual text message that had nothing to do with what we were talking about...
I asked him to explain...
Apparently he sent it to one of his ex gf's from like high school or right out of high school either way I knew he talked to her but it was VERY SEXUAL and highly inappropriate...
And now I don't know what to do, he is in a different state texting sexual messages to other girls, and we are an army couple so if I can't trust him we are screwed....I am so hurt right now, my better judgement tells me he is just alone and flirting with an ex thru text to make himself feel less lonely but at the same time, what the hell do I do now? Its like he has planted a seed of doubt in my mind and with him deploying I just don't know. I gave up everything for him because we wanted a better life and this is how he respects me when I am not around?? What do I do?? Anybody btdt???
Lord help me...
He said he deleted the girls numbers from his phone, and I told him the girls weren't the problem him being selfish and having no regard for anything but what he wants when he wants it no matter what his better judgement says or who he hurts was....
I think I am gonna throw up.
He deploys in early summer so its not like we have tons of time and he is gonna have to go away again for a month, how do I trust him??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 3:38pm
I'm not so sure his location is the issue as far as trusting him is concerned.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 3:44pm

hi there,

it seems dh texted his ex not realizing he sent it to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 9:28am

I think that I would ask him if he is lonely and wanting to flirt and text then why is he not doing it with you. He is putting his sexual time, thought, and energy into another person

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 01-29-2009 - 6:13pm

Five Diamond Wife gave great advice! I agree with her 100%.
I know what it's like to be apart from a military spouse. You are right, trust is essential to get you through the long days that will lie ahead. You should definitely confront him now, before it is too late.

My husband is an Army guy too... and unfortunately I didn't find out about his affair until he was emotionally attached to the OW. He wants to work it out with us, but I don't know if I can llive with a man who was capable of falling in love with someone else. Not to mention, there will be plenty of more deployments, so how will I be able to trust him while we're apart?

One thing that you and I both have in our back pockets to use as our trump card is that my husband's affair (or your husband's potential affair) can end their careers. That's one "stick" to hang over his head if you want to do so. I have opted not to bring my husband's infidelity to the attention of his superiors. But, if he hangs me out to dry by leaving me and our kids... then i'll do the same to him and end his career!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 01-29-2009 - 7:35pm

"my better judgement tells me he is just alone and flirting with an ex thru text to make himself feel less lonely"