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new at this with no support
| Fri, 07-10-2009 - 5:21pm |
(Sorry this is so long.
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I can't live like this, constantly checking up on him and worrying about what he's doing when he's out of my sight.
If you reread your post, you'll find that you've answered a lot of your questions. He's playing you and piling on the lies. If this is what you want/expect from the relationship, by all means continue. Otherwise, RUN ... don't walk.
walk out the door and do not look back.
he is your boyfriend right? if he is going to do this to you as a girlfriend things will only get worse.
my h too met with women on craigslist and paid women to massage him GAG!!!!! at the age of 50 many men begin to loose some of the ability to rise to the occasion, if you know what i mean. has he begun using viagra or cialis. once my h started popping these he became mr. senior don juan.
you deserve so much more, happiness, love, peace, respect, integrity, - he is not going to give you any of this. he may be the nicest guy in the world but the truth will set you free, and the truth he is loves his pecker more than he loves you. i am sorry for this harsh reality, but often times the truth is harsh.
do you want to spend the rest of your life checking cell phone bills? checking his email? searching his truck? looking in his wallet? going to the doctor being humiliated asking to be tested for HIV? which brings another thought to mind - more men than you think do NOT use protection when involved in illicit sex. my h NEVER used protection. this is no way to live - IT IS NOT EVEN LIVING, IT IS EXISTING.
if your boyfriend is not secure enough within himself to live as a man with integrity and dignity you must understand that you will never be able to help him find what he is looking for.
please know that the words i have typed here are merely a feeble attempt to get you to begin to take care of you. you can not worry about him, or you will worry yourself sick.
i am 59 my h is 70 - think about it do you want to spend the next 24 years of your life in the state you are in now???????? i am sure your response is NO. i only wish when i was 34 that i would have had a site such as this to come to - i wish i would have know then what i know now, that was never ever going to change.
as a side note i am not a believer in this sex addiction thing. i may be wrong but the way i see it is this, it comes down to personal responsibility and integrity. if does not have it at the age of 50 well just when is he going to get it????? and at whose expense YOURS///////
you need to get up and go and look in a mirror. you see that young woman looking back at you? well she deserves a HE** OF A LOT MORE, A HE** OF A LOT!!!!!!
love yourself enough to demand the best for yourself. trust me i am right about this.
we are here for you, read as many of the posts as you can. these women are the bomb!!!!!!
please take care of yourself.
I have been in that position, and tried to help out my H. I learned they get better and better at hiding their tracks, all the while claiming their wandering behavior is over. Sure, a relationship is based on love, but it also needs the stability of trust, honesty, respect, and faithfulness. Without those ingredients, your relationship will never be whole. You may be in love with a part of him, but, you are not in love with who he truly is - because he has kept a part of himself hidden from you, and will continue to do so.
My advice, get out now. Go to your gyn and get a complete STD rundown to make sure he hasn't exposed you to anything. If you continue to stay with him, I would advise you to get regularly tested for STDs, and practice safe sex. Remember, even though you practice safe sex, you can still contract STDs (such as genital herpes or warts, etc..).
Going forward, after marriage.....Many times guys like these will seek to outside sexual experiences if they get in a fight with their spouse, while their spouses are pregenant, and after the birth of their child - when their spouse is too tired caring for their child.
I'm sorry, I know how painful this is...
Please, please, please take the advice of the other posters and RUN from this relationship. If you don't, you will find yourself, at age 50, competing with his latest fling - who will be a lot younger. I know that sounds harsh but I believe it is true. You're still young. Don't waste your life on this man.
Marycr
Isn't it sad that you have to check up on him...
He's a 50 year old man, fully capable of knowing right from wrong. He has wronged you many times already and for him to declare that he loves you and is so sorry, but continues to hurt you -- he's a fool and is playing you. He knows that you won't leave and will continue to hurt you - citing it's his "addiction." Whether or not he is diagnosed with an addiction, you deserve better. You know that and know that you are strong person that can thrive in any situation.
Let go, move on...you will become a stronger person because of it.
"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop." Herb Stein