Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Not sure what to do
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 5:14pm

I found out at the end of January that my husband, who goes to school 2 hours away during the week and only comes home on weekends, has been having a relationship for the past 6 months with a 21 year old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 12:45am
First off, why do you think he won't add you to his facebook as a friend. I suspect it is because he is still talking to her, or maybe even other women from school too. I bet he is still hiding the fact that he is married from the women he talks to on his facebook and that's why he won't add you. I wouldn't trust him if I were you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:55pm

I have to agree with "Peacema". I have been on this board for too long and have seen this same type of situation, just in different scenarios.

He is most likely still in the A or still in contact with OW. Is OW in school with him? The Facebook thing is a red flag for sure.

What does your gut say? It always tells the truth.

If your gut tells you all is not feeling right, you may want to try to get ahold of his cell while he is in the shower or sleeping. Many of us found out all we need to know by looking at texts and hearing VMs.

Sorry you have to be here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 6:12am

If he adds you on FB and acknowledge you are his wife, he pretty much can say goodbye to his double life. Am I wrong to assume most of his FB buddies are his school friends ? Not only the OW will know what kind of man he really is, but I guess he will acquire one hell of a reputation at his school.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to excuse his behaviour or say it's OK for him to not do what you asked him... but I bet he is thinking of that a LOT right now !

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 7:02am
I've been there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 10:25am
I have been exactly there. I found out on myspace. Although she knew he ws married he had lied to her telling her we had been separated. One if my conditions was for him to delete her and he would not do it because "she was his friend". No it was because it had not ended and if he deleted her well then she would wonder what was going on. When i would tell him that I was gonna call her ge would tell me that she would not believe anything I said. My dumbass believed him so I did not bother (at first). Then I finally decided to talk to her. She did know he was married with 2 kids, one being a brand new baby, but ha no idea that we were still sleeping together and that he was telling me another story. She said that if she had known that sooner she would have ended it. Sadly to say since I waited so long to say anything she ended up pregnant. To this day I wonder if I had contacted her sooner would it have prevented the pregnacy which has made things a lot harder for us. There is a HUGE red flag if he won't accept you friend I invite! That means he is still with her. He will continue to have his cake and eat it too until you do something about it. I was always afraid I would for sure lose him if I contacted her, but I should have sooner and so should you! Just to give you hope, we are still together and it has been almost 3 years. We both got rid of our myspace and facebook accounts knowing they would only continue to cause us problems. It was 6 months of hell for me and I still hate the OW with tr passion, but we have been through counseling and much needed healing and are better now than we ever were before. Take the needed steps to end it and fight for your husband if that I what you want. I realized and used some really good strategies to manipulate the situation to get my H out of the OW arms and back into mine. If you are interested to hearcwhat I did let me know. I know how hard this is since I have been there. I am open to helping you in anyway I can. Feel free to ask anything.