obsessing over no answers to my questions
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obsessing over no answers to my questions
| Fri, 12-14-2012 - 3:19pm |
hello. why do i feel like the world is over? i have been so badly cheated on that i can't even breath. i have a freaking phd, make good money, we have two great and successful kids, yet this man felt the need to satisfy himself elsewhere. I just want to smash his face in. in my spare time all i do is search the internet (social media sites or trying to crack his passcodes). I am truly pitiful. how can i move on with some semblence of sanity? why do i love and hate him so intensely at the same time?
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What you are doing is so very normal. I would spend hours searching the Internet looking for information. I’m four years out and occasionally have to talk myself down from doing it again. This is called self-torture. If you can keep from doing this, it will be better for you.
Have you asked yourself what it is that you really want to know? Consider that there are some things that in a few years, you will wish you didn’t know.
Can I offer some advice from someone that’s been there? What you should know, and what you deserve to know, and what will be helpful to know is actually really small.
Who is it?
When did it start?
Has it ended?
When did it end?
Did they touch?
Did they have sex?
Was it protected sex or not?
You deserve, and should, know all of the above answers. Period. He should come clean with all of this or he should be shown the door. No excuses.
Anything beyond this, I would seriously consider talking to a shrink before pushing your spouse to tell you. This is self-preservation I’m talking about. In the end, you deserve to know anything you wish to know. But some information is more harmful than helpful to know.
You have a Ph. D.? Then I got something for you, actual scholarship on this subject. I read this book like five times. It is called “Getting Past the Affair.” I pored over like ten books and this was the one that had real solutions. I got my copy from Amazon and had it fedexed to my home. Saved my life! Several scholars on the subject with real answers for you AND your spouse. You of all people will get what I'm saying.
I’m so sorry. You’re not alone. Don’t do this alone either.
My Best
Tom
Thomas
We have five kids. Our D-Day was August, 2008.
Hi
I think I can shed light on your questions.
" why do i feel like the world is over?"
One is cultural conditioning. What you learned of how it is supposed to be. 2nd. Your universe has been altered.
In reality a therapist may help you re-center. I noticed your writing was about academic,child raising,but not the relationship. Each couple has a different dynamic. We can look at what we have read and what we have experienced seen thru the filter of our experiences,values,choices,beliefs and personal outcomes. In other words we are not you.
"why do i love and hate him so intensely at the same time?"
Those emotions are the same coin. Exploring this is a place for you and a professional therapist.
There are no hard and fast rules.
Hello I'm new to his board, just reading for my own support. Its still fresh, thats why your doing that. But you need to focus on what you can do to keep your sanity. Read Tips and advice to help u cope over and over if you have to. I started with a good easy funny but true book called"" Its called a break up because its broken""
Its only been 3 weeks for me, an Im working on it hard!!!