Opinons Please! My D-DAY was 5/17/2011

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Opinons Please! My D-DAY was 5/17/2011
31
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 5:15pm
I don't know why I am asking for opinions...it is what it is, but I guess when you love someone and u discover a betrayal , there's a part of u that is still in denial.Yesterday evening while putting my husbands clothes away and straighting his draws, I found a sock with 4 ladies thongs.they weren't even clean, they were used.obviously he was keeping these as trophies or souvenirs. He came home from work and I took him to the room to show him how I arranged his draws and when I pulled the draw that had the sock with the ladies panties; he quickly grabbed it. I made him aware that I had already seen them and knew what was inside.he turned white as a ghost, and said that it was old and that it was nothing.bottomline this idiot wants me to believe that these underwears are from years ago. We have been together since 99. We moved together in 2003, got married in 2006, and 2009 we had a baby girl. I don't even want to waste my time with the excuses that he gave me of the panties.He swares that they are not recent and that he is so embarrassed that I found them. I'm so angry,and mad.I stood up the whole night crying and feeling sick to my stomach.He will not admit the truth, he is sticking with his gut to deny and deny; because he knows that I will be out the door, and not to return.he doesn' want to lose me or his baby and vows that he would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. I do not want to tell my friends or family, cause I am humiliated and this is really a slap in my face.I am all about honesty & loyalty and I hate the lies. I just want to hear what others have to say, I'm drowning In my hurt and in this anger that I feel....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 10:32am

I'm so so sorry that you're having to go through this, SeedofDoubt.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 9:42am

I'm sending you hugs. This is so hard. It has been 2 yrs and 10 mos since D-Day for me and I still can't believe my DH did such a low down and nasty thing to me and our M. Your DH is lying as you know. It's time for you to pull out your tools and snoop and find out who she is, how long it's been going on and what is their mode of contact. Sometimes it's hard because some dumb women like my DH's x-other-skank only see the MM when he calls every couple of months. They wait like idiots on the one phone call and then drop everything to be at their beck and call (sad and sick). Anyway, if it's that kind of A, it will be harder to detect, but some affairs have more contact which makes it easier to uncover their little nasty deeds. I encourage you to find out who she is and if she is M expose to her H and anyone else. There is absolutely no need to be embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed by what HE did. He's the one who acted like an idiot (sorry to call your DH an idiot but cheating men are just that). You are loyal and a decent woman who takes her vows seriously and you have no reason to be embarrassed. You can't control what your DH does. He's a grown man who makes decisions for himself and those decisions are his not yours. I never understood why BW with all the other garbage emotions they have to go through are embarrassed. I was more disgusted with my DH and his stinky-x-ho than anything. They were both on my list right up there with child molesters and rapist for a while. It was only through my DH's wonderful behavior since D-Day and his total commitment to our M have I changed my mind about him. He worked hard to rebuild our M and my trust. He was willing to do ANYTHING to save our M, and his actions made me love him even more.

Have you thought about making your DH take a lie detector test? You have to find out the truth and if he won't come clean on his own, I suggest a lie detector test. He is cheating and thus exposing you to some OW's nasty disease ridden body. You have to be able to protect yourself by finding out the truth. You deserve to know the truth. These nasty women who sleep with MM do it with them anywhere (i.e. at work, in cars and anywhere else MM wants it) so it might be hard to find out who and where but I say start snooping immediately.

You can save your M but it will take 150% dedication from your DH to fix this mess he got you into. Look your DH in his eyes and ask him why he is standing in your face lying to you about something that is so obvious. You have to find a way to get the truth out of him or find it out by yourself.

Don't make any decisions right now. Just pray (if you are a praying woman) and wait it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 10:04am

This whole situation makes me sick to my stomach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 11:33am

Seed of doubt, sorry that you find yourself here.




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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 11:42pm

Some people don't agree that both partners are responsible for infidelity to happen but I'm not one of those.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 9:27am

there are spouses with ego problems that even with all the attention in the world it will never be enough

life can be mundane

your posts are what a mistress would want to believe

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:06pm

Mine was 3-27-11, and I have been at the exact point where you are, not knowing what was true and what are lies, having it consume every waking minute of every day.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:35pm

Is their some hidden knowledge you wish to reveal?

chaika

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:49pm

There is another more constructive way.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 1:43am

Yeah like my MIL.

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