OW has an order of protection on WS

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
OW has an order of protection on WS
4
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 12:04pm

Ok- a little vent


My STBX and his girlfriend broke up he was moving his things out she turned to hit him and he grab her arm. Her friend jumped up and started videotaping and 1- of the 2 girls called the police. Well after everything was said and done he was arrested and an order of protection was placed on him because she stated to the police that she is in fear for her life and safety, as well as telling them that he made her mouth and nose bleed. That same day she was calling him and begging him to come back and told him she wants the order lifted blah- blah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 10:03pm

you take the higher road because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. while it sucks being taken advantage of - it speaks volumes about the caring, loving person you are.

there is nothing wrong with being a good person. he is the father of your children and soon to be x. i do not think people ever loose ALL that they felt for the spouse.

i believe you were right when you told him to come and get his stuff. he is laying a foundation here of how he is going to be acting once the divorce is final. perhaps once things cool down you might want to address the boundaries once the break up is final ........................ I AM NO LONGER YOUR WIFE, I AM NO LONGER YOUR GO TO PERSON.

HE DOES NEED TO BE MAKING 'ANY, I MEAN ANY DECISIONS OR ACTING IN ANY MANNER THAT IS CONTRADITORY TO THE WELL BEING OF HIS CHILDREN. NOT ONLY DOES HE NEED TO GET IT THE OW NEEDS TO GET IT AS WELL.

good things happen to good people - prepare yourself for a great deal of GOOD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 8:35pm

It's great that you get along, but you're not his caretaker anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 3:45pm
I'm sorry you got stuck with your STBX's belongings - you are right...if there is a next time, then just say no.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 2:46pm

You end up fixing his messes because YOU CHOOSE TO DO IT!!! One of the hardest things about D is changing roles. It has been your role to be his soft place to and to make things OK for him with your kids. It is time to stop doing that.

You cannot MAKE him be a good father. Let me be clear here, I don't think he is a good father because if he were, he would be moving heaven and earth to make this go away. It is time to step back and let him deal fully with the consequences of his decisions. Tell him that it is in his lap. If he doesn't want supervised visitation, then it is up to him to fix it, period. It isn't your problem, it is his, and you are washing your hands of it. You WILL, however, follow visitation to the letter because there will be consequences for you if you don't. I know you think your kids will suffer, but I bet once he realizes you are not going to do this for him, he will deal with it. If not, your kids will deal with it and move on. I speak from experience on this. My kid's father disappeared and didn't pay CS. They are adults now and doing very well.

It is time you let him set the tone for his R with his own children. That is something you cannot and should not control. If he chooses to make other things in his life a priority over his kids, then it is best they learn that is what he is like early on. You can make a good life for them without him if you have to. Let go of the idea that he would be a good father if given the chance. Good fathers are good fathers whatever the circumstances, they don't need chances made for them.

He is making his GF his priority here, let him face the consequences of that full on without your sympathy or support. Tell him from now on if he is in trouble don't call you because you are no longer responsible for his well-being. He is a big boy now.