The Phone Call

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
The Phone Call
7
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 1:02pm

I hope I am in the right place. I just found this board and am hoping you all can help me...?? Last Tuesday I was here at work, working away, minding my business...when my cell phone rang. A girl said, "Ms. B, I don't know how to tell you this...."...I'm thinking...OMG, he's had an accident, he's hurt, or DEAD!....but that was not the case at all. She proceeded to say, "Your husband, JB, is cheating on you with a blonde headed girl that he works with. I will not give you her name or my name or any other details but if I were married to him, I would want someone to tell me this." I said, "Ok, how did you get my phone number?" She said, "From his phone." and hung up the phone...just like that.


Of course I call him right away and confront him. Guess what he said? "I don't have any idea what you're talking about or why someone would do this. Is this a joke?" Here a week later, he doesn't know anything. There is no story. He has not one clue. I've asked him if someone could have misconstrued something he's done or said...and he says, "No."


He says he is not cheating on me but....there have been sexual problems...For the last several months, he "loses focus" during the act, if you know what I mean. There have been several times when I've tried to call him in the evenings and cannot reach him for 45 mins to an hour...


A year ago, January, I accidentally happened upon 2 very flirtatious text messages from some girl he works with. He explained that away as they were friends and she got carried away. He didn't respond to those texts...at least using his cell phone...and nothing further happened after that until now.


What do you guys think? I can't see my husband being with another woman. We've been together since high school! However...we've had our problems...we have 3 children, 2 of them came back-to-back unexpectedly and it's been a tough year for us. I am not naive but I also would never cheat on my husband.


Right now, we argue and then we are civil. When he tries to touch me, I'm just nauseated and disgusted.


I don't know what to do.


Please help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 1:36pm
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but yes, you have found the right place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 2:33pm

the best evidence is the cell phone bill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 2:54pm
Can you track down the no. of the caller that told you this info? Who would have access to his phone and call you? No one has access to my cell phone unless I let them use it. Do you have or can you get access to his phone call log details? This would show you if he's calling a certain no. frequently. It seems as though some of their contact has been e-mail though. Do you know his passwords to his e-mail account(s)? ETA... You know it just crossed my mind that she herself or a friend of hers could have called you, hoping that if you found out that you might kick him out and he'd be free to be with her. I know that I may be WAY off base here, but it ran thru my mind after my initial post to you. Maybe the other ladies on the board can set me straight if they think I am.


Edited 2/24/2009 3:05 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 5:43pm

Thank you for your thoughts, living. His cell phone records are clean. There is nothing questionable there. He doesn't know how to use a computer, so that's out of the question. I work 45 miles away from his work place, so dropping in is fairly difficult. I was off work Friday and did go by to watch him walk out of work...but then panicked thinking...what if I DO see something? Or what if I DON'T see anything at all...then I will look more stupid. So I left. The more I think about this...the less appetizing marriage to this man seems. He lies to me about money all the time...That is nothing new. I'm just so tired. The problem is...his kids adore him...as they should...He is a good daddy to them. I just HATE to be the one to uproot them and break up their home....What did you do? I've considered counseling....He says no, "There's just no appeal in this marriage." He's talking about sexually....but...he's not all that appealing to me either. He's very nice looking...but the emotional attachment for me is just not there. It seems we both know what's wrong but neither of us are taking the initiative to correct our own errors.


I'm assuming since you are here...that you've been through this before...? How did you handle?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 5:45pm

Thank you Carol. His cell phone records are clean. Nothing questionable there. The "thing" at his workplace though is to purchase "pre paid" cell phones where there are no obtainable records....Maybe he has one...Who knows? Like the PP, since you are here...I'm assuming you've been through this. Did your marriage survive it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 5:58pm

Hi peacey, thank you for your response...Well the girl called from the pay phone at their job. It is a basement phone...so...of course...no body noticed her when she called...or so the H says. Access to his cell phone? Perfectly explained...He said...that during his morning breaks...he sometimes leaves his phone at his work station when he goes to eat. I guess that could be possible...he's lousy at keeping up with his phone all other times....But...I can't buy that some random person just picked up his phone and went through it to obtain my number. It is not hard...but....if you were not intimate (and I don't mean necessarily that) way...but you wouldn't just walk up to someone's work station, get their cell phone and go through it. Phones are very personal...so I don't see this scenario totally fitting the situation. Email? He doesn't do computers.


I definitely agree with you. I think the girl herself is the one that called me. It is just a feeling. This girl is someone I went to school with long ago but don't know much about. If I heard her voice again though, I would definitely be able to tell.


I know..there is not a lot to go on here. One other thing...is that he's telling me (now) that he's been having a dispute with a blonde headed girl at work for several months of work-related stuff. He thinks she may be doing this to hurt him because of the work situation. This doesn't make much sense though, does it? I mean...I've been very angry with some people I've worked with in the past...and I've NEVER considered calling their spouses to tell them something so hurtful and destructive.


Interestingly enough...the more I type and read your responses...the more things are coming together for me. I mean some of this stuff is so outlandish-sounding as I type it!


I think I'm going crazy.


At any rate, thanks for your response. I really look forward to hearing from you guys. I have no idea what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
In reply to: sosadintn
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 9:53pm

sosadintn,


yes, i am a BS who has/is rebuilding since dday of may 2006.