Photos sent to gmail

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Photos sent to gmail
7
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 10:56am

Hello fellow BS’s;

I am back with a slight problem.  My bf (As you know also is a BS) went away on business and has been gone for about a week and a half, planning to stay three weeks.  He also mixes business with pleasure i.e. golfing, restaurants, ect.

This time he brought his sister because she caught her DH cheating on her, when she confronted him he hit her and got arrested.  Her DH is in jail and bf thought she might like time to get away.  She has filed for divorce. 

Bf never had a smartphone and just got an IPhone (I have a droid).  As you know I check his emails, banks, as I am his “manager” and book his vacation rentals and deal with his residence tenants.

The other day while booking rentals, I noticed he took pics of himself at the beach and sent them to his new Gmail account (This is the only account I do not have access to as he just got he IPhone before he left and you need a Gmail/google account to set it up).  They were not nasty photos; just posed ones at the beach. 

I was confused as to:

1.    Why he didn’t send me a pic?

2.    Why he sent it to his Gmail rather than his other accounts I have access to?

He is very unfamiliar with the IPhone and I had to show him how to use it before he went away.  I think his sister took the pics..

Anyway, my friends are telling me that the only reason he would do this is to upload photos to a dating website.  They are pushing me to break into his email and find out.  His sister is actively on match and plenty of fish, so I checked out them but he was not on them.  These photos were taken yesterday morning…What would you do? Am I overreacting or do I start my investigation???  I can go to his house and find the password but I don't want to start checking on his every move like I did with XH and I am afraid of what I will find :(

He is not computer savvy so that is why I do all of his bookings and pay his bills online..  He would never know how to join a dating website; as before he met me he was on yahoo personals that his friend had to set up, as well as set up his facebook for him.  It boggles my mind that he would even do this, and the fact that the sister may even be assisting him as they are both BS’s like me!!!!  I understand I may be off base with this :(

 

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 2:07pm

Christy, 


I'm very sorry, this must be a huge disappointment. Sending good vibes your way. 

"His doctor thinks he has depression and wanted him to take antidepressants but he has refused because he is in recovery from alcohol and is afraid he will relapse by taking them."

Someone isn't talking to him about antidepressants very well. They are not addictive nor are they really anything like alcohol or weed in that sense. What they do is prevent a chemical from reabsorbing into your bloodstream. I'm on Welbutrine right now and I hardly notice it. Other than I don't piss everyone off around me. 

Take an SSRI for example which inhibits the reabsorption of serotonin which our bodies naturally create. Since we can’t actually feel happy without serotonin or dopamine in our bloodstream, elevating their levels in our blood helps us cope with life easier. The SSRI I initially took had a side effect that made me like I drank a little too much coffee. Welbutrine raised my dopamine levels and I don’t actually feel side effects other than a dry mouth. I’m biting my fingernails more but I don’t know if that is just me or a known side effect.

Tell him not to be afraid of the medications. They shouldn’t have any effect on his twelve steps. 

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 5:48pm

Christy, 

Its very gracious of you to thank those who replied for their kind responses, but I didn't find some of them to be so kind myself. You came for advice, not to be scolded.  You trusted your gut feeling that something wasn't right and you were correct. Its only natural to be more cautious after having gone through a betrayal. I also never thought my exH wasn't capable of some of the things he did. Your BF's statement about not liking to take pics is very telling. Trust but verify, as they say, and that's exactly what you are doing.

As far as to what your ex said, you know that he was only justifying to make himself feel better. IMO, you are being smart by carrying over what you learned from that relationship. I wish you the absolute best!

GW

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 8:21am

Thank you for your kind responses. 

When he came home from vacation he was acting really sketchy; i.e he would not look me in the eye the whole weekend we spent together.  He admitted that he joined “Meetme” to find “friends” (I guess it is a social networking site similar to facebook)..I did log on to meetme but could not find his profile anywhere, but I do not have facebook and I am not familiar with networking sites. 

As far as trying to send me the photos..I told him that I missed him and would love for him to send me some vacation pics of himself.  He said, “You know I don’t like taking pics of myself.”  (These were not your usual vacation pics, they were poses.)

His doctor thinks he has depression and wanted him to take antidepressants but he has refused because he is in recovery from alcohol and is afraid he will relapse by taking them. 

He also has been having problems with his liver due to his past drinking and just had a biopsy. We are going to the follow up in a few weeks. 

I guess all I can do is see what happens.  I will stand by him with the health issue and if I do find out he is on the dating sites I will end the relationship. 

My xh also blamed me for his affair..he told me if I wasn’t such a controlling b**9ch he would not have cheated….

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 3:13pm

Christy, 

Take a deep breath. Relationships are about trust. I know you got hurt bad, but what we should have learned from last time is communication. Tell him what you found, tell him that because of being hurt this set off a trigger. Let him say what he is going to say. Re-read the180 list and see what still applies to you. You don't cause anyone to have affairs, you can't control the other person, you can't cure the other person. The only thing you can do is work on yourself. To be healthy in our own skin.

Working on ourselves is speaking honestly about what hurts us to our partners, expressing where our boundaries are, and going about our regular lives as best we are able. Let’s say IF, he is going on a dating site, we should be becoming healthy enough that we can let go at a moment’s notice and move on with our lives and our partners need to know that. Your BF can cheat on you; he can walk in front of a bus. Anyone can be gone from our lives at any moment. 

Good luck
 

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 11-29-2013 - 7:17pm

Sometimes when a phone is set up, it gets associated with an email address that acts as a default address. So, when trying to send anything, that new address is used. Maybe he was trying to send the photos to you but is so technologically inept that he couldn't figure out how to send them to you.

This doesn't smell fishy to me. He seems like a nice guy who's trying to help his sister. Please stop letting your past shoot you into overpanic mode.

 

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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http://www.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 1:42pm

This is ridiculous.  Your friends say that the only reason people take pics of themselves on the beach is to put them on dating sites?  how about just to have vacation photos?  Maybe he & his sis were just relaxing & taking pics of each other and she was showing him how to use his phone.  If you are going to be that suspicious about everything, you should not be dating because it's clear that you have not healed from being a BS.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 1:02pm

 Do nothing!  It is such a small thing.  Good grief if he is as clueless about technology he may not understand how it would seem to others.  Which is a good time to clean out privacy problems with his social media.    Your imagination can be your worse enemy.   Laugh and go on with life.

dragowoman