Please Can Somebody Help Me????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2011
Please Can Somebody Help Me????
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 3:11pm

Firstly I want to thank anybody in advance who is reading this and going to reply.

Exactly 3 and a half months ago my partner of 7 and a half years slept with another women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 10:45pm

Hi DevastatedNiki... I probably can't help you.. I feel your intense pain through your writing. You poor baby. I'm in your same boat. I just found out the man I love has had an affair... He asked me for a divorce and left the house. Then I found all these horrible emails that he wrote to her.. and she wrote to him. They were gut wrenching. They killed a part of me permanently. She called our marriage a "sexless, joyless, marriage to a woman who is mean to you & your kids." In reality, I have loved him with all my heart, and his kids... What a mess! And what a mean, awful thing to do to a person who loves you!!! Really, life shouldn't be this way. There is something however called KARMA... and I can see that my H is starting to reap what he has sown. Anyway, we know that God hates adultery (not to get off on a religious rant) and there will be pay back for what they have done to us... I hope you can somehow find peace through all this. I know I am in the same emotional turmoil as you are... I cry all the time, can't sleep and I've lost over 10 pounds since this happened. I just feel so "out there" so sad, and angry at the same time. I can't believe this happened to me!!!! What did I ever do to deserve this horrible pain. I don't know you but I hope you are okay. And remember one thing. Some men get off on seeing how devastated we are. They actually enjoy a woman crying and going crazy over them. Just try to take care of yourself! I know it's hard but know there are people out there that wish you well. You're so young!! You could have a whole "new" life out there... Without a jerk that would have sex with a woman like that.... And the kicker is that you were sleeping with him all the time. So he can't say that he was starving for it!!!! That's my husband's excuse. That he didn't get enough... but he never wanted it from me. He preferred to stay on the computer hour after hour and never lay a hand on me... He never came to me for sex!!!! Now somehow this is "My Fault" the more I think about all this the angrier I get... When a woman REALLY LOVES a man... like we do. I don't know how they can do this to us. and not seem to have too much remorse over it??? UNREAL!!! Anyway, keep putting one foot in front of the other. And SURVIVE! that will show the Ass ____'s what you're made of. We're not door mats that they can wipe their dirty shoes on. We need to stand up and make these men treat us with RESPECT!!!! Or hit the dam road... There's lots of men out there... They ain't the only fish in the pond... So Hang in there girl!!!! Any day now, the tables could turn....... Jaynie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 8:00pm

Hello Nikki! Sorry that you have been betrayed like so many women are and us husbands that find were in the same situation. I would've never dreamt my wife would have an affair because we are very religious, but to make matters worse she had her affair with an old youth group minister from her past. It has been 9 years ago this week that she slept with him the 1st time as I discovered in going through her emails when she met him the 2nd time 2 years later. I was devastated and wanted to die when I found out, but have 2 sons that I didn't want to be fatherless. I have stayed with her so as not to destroy my sons lives, but never really known if they knew or suspected what went on. I still have bad times during the year when I know that she was with him or when all of this started. But the one thing I have done is given it over to God to handle, and not taken out vengeance of my own as the bible states. I read the bible as often as I can and this gives me comfort in knowing that God will take care of me and help me thru this messy ordeal. He has answered my prayers and punished her lover as I know he lost his job,and has separated from his wife at least for awhile. The best thing on this earth is being a son or daughter of our Almighty Maker God, and taking all of our problems to Him to help us through our lives.

I was a mess at first also and asked my doctor for a prescription to help me with depression and uncontrollable crying spells without going into details, as he just asked me if I wanted to discuss the problem and I told him no. So if you need something from a doctor to help you, don't be afraid to ask for help.