Please help I just found out

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Please help I just found out
18
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 10:17pm
I have been with my husband for 10 years however we only married a year and a half ago. I didnt want to jump into another marriage because I felt the deep pain of divorce once before. So after living together for 8 years I finally said yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 12:25am
The thing that comes to mind is why would she lie to you about the other women, unless she wanted him for herself hoping you would kick him out. I guess that tramp was good enough to sleep with. But I don't think she would have told you she slept with him if she did want him cause she knows he would be pissed. He won't admit the truth if he's cheating, unless you can get phone bill call details and call other women who will also admit they slept with him or find e-mails to other women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 7:58am
I know how hard it is and I'm sorry for you. I am on DDAY 3 and still have bouts of vomiting and anger. You have to wonder how our DH's can can compartmentalize these things. First I would make an appointment with your Dr or a STD test. BTDT Then a therapist to help you both. AND ask him for the real truth.
S
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 10:15am

First and most importantly I send my greatest sympathy and support in a really tough situation.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:22am
Welcome to the board
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 9:19pm
Thanks everyone for your replies. I am shocked and still sick. Today was a quiet day. We really didnt talk at all when I saw him before he left for work. I guess this is part of the rollercoaster? After he left I went into the car and cried my eyes out and screamed at the top of my lungs I am so hurt and angry. I dont want the kids to know whats going on so thats why I went into the car. I havent told ANYONE not my family or friends because I dont want them to hate him. So I am thankful that I can chat here....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 10:40pm
Hi where can I find the "180 list".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:51pm

You said you are acting right now as if nothing happened. Something has


happened. He needs to come clean and get real with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:57pm

a few things you spoke of jumped out at me as i read your post

the fact that he is saying "you would rather believe a tramp over me". my husband of then 28years said those same words to me. my husband had also told the other woman that he too had been cheating on me for years. she did not lie, HE DID. also, she told me he paid her money and fixed a few things in her trailor that were broken, he called her a liar over these things as well. but since i had broken into his email and recovered many of their emails together there it was in black and white. he had typed the words to her as well as spoken the words to her.

she is not lieing, but i bet he is. my husband also wanted something from her that he felt (and was right) that i would not do. anal sex. when she first old me this he called her a liar about this fact as well, she was not lieing, those darned emails again served as proof.

what is important is for you to find out the REAL why. additionally he must show empathy, the ability to understand what his betrayal has done to you, he must be able to think about how he would feel if it was him.

he needs to get it - HE IS CAUGHT BE HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 4:23pm
I really dont believe him that it was only once with this 1 women only. Through out the 10 yrs looking back there were little clues I should have picked up on. But I didnt I looked the other way thinking no way he would hurt me like that! Today was a bad day, a lot of crying. I called 3 docs today. My gyno to make sure
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 5:30pm
I think it's the pot calling the kettle black for him to ask you "who are you going to believe, me or a tramp?"

 

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