Please help me with new man.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Please help me with new man.....
Fri, 11-12-2010 - 7:22am

Please help me and my new man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 11-12-2010 - 8:18pm

You both are cleary still stuggling with insecurities tied to your past betrayals. It is completely normal to still feel these things - what you went through has changed you both.

You are both still in the process of healing over your previous marriages, and it's understandable that you are so sensitive to the possibility that your partner is cheating on you.

You are feeling bad about how you reacted the other night - but you aren't the only one who overreacted.
He too, upon seeing you with the plumber, convinced himself you were having another relationship behind his back.
When you saw this note and confronted him, he didn't act calmly, didn't think clearly. Neither of you did, because you've been so affected by these past pains, that the mere thought of it happening again sent you into a panicked zone.

But you are in a unique spot. Because BOTH of you have been through this, you can understand where the other person is coming from. You actually did a better job of empathizing with him (letting him see your phone), while he refused.

You are clearly further along with your healing than he is.

You don't necessarily need to apologize.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 5:07pm

That's pretty heartbreaking Gal.

The other day I called my husband's cell, and the line was busy. Now, my dday was over 2 years ago, but it still caused my heart to jump into my throat. When he got home, I asked him calmly who he was on the phone with. It was his ex-wife (completely innocent, talking about his son apparently). Anyway, once he'd told me, he said "Why, who did you think it was? For (swearword) sake, you don't really still think I'd be talking to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 8:22am

Hi Gal,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 12:40am

Insecurity runs very deep with both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 9:51pm

well if the day ever comes when this old goat is gone, trust me, i will never, i mean never be able to ever trust again.

that is what betrayal does, it changes you, it wharps you.