The Police Serached my House last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
The Police Serached my House last night
28
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 9:06am

I had taken my girls out to the movies to see Bedtime Stories and I got a call from my lawyer. The Police were in the process of getting a warrant to search my home. I had to drop my girls off at my parents house, return home and wait for my attorney & the police.


The got really pizzed that the bedroom and living room were empty and I told them where the furniture was. At that point my attorney stepped in and handled it. The Police wanted me to come to the "station" to answer some questions but my lawyer again asked if I was under arrest? The answer was no. I will be going to the Police Station at 10am.


My sisters are going to take the girls shopping today while I am answeing their questions.


It seems that the OM was dealing small amounts of Coke out of his office. He is also trying to spin it that my W was areally the dealer. He is doing everything he can to paint my W as the dealer.


After dealing with the Police I need to see my In Laws and let them know what is going on. My W will need to hire her own

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 3:43pm

while my story would not lead one to believe this I AM A VERY STRONG WOMAN. i was in corporate america with a fortune 500 co; held a very important position in a male dominated field, was bringing in the big salary

my first child, a daughter now 37 was born mentally retarded. i was young, very young, 22, when i had her. it was a look the dr's told me. i then had another daughter at 28 and my baby girl when i was 41. it was very important to me to raise strong, well educated, confident, kind, caring women as daughters.

what my daughter said to me was the truth. and you know jack, there is NO getting around the truth. all of her life i had raised her to be confident - to live by the rules of integrity. family, was my primary focus with all of the kids i raised - 10 to be exacat. mine, his, ours, 2 nephews, and my moms foster son. family, there is nothing more important other than God. so, when she found out that my husband had broken every rule he had supposedly lived by and here i was strong, confident, take no crap mom staying it was more than she could take. do not get me wrong, she loved her dad; but when you see a mans integrity crumble, the man you revered as a God (her words) well she was in a great deal of pain. to this day there is a part of her that harbors much confusion as to why i stayed. she says, i just do not get it. you are the whole package mom - pretty, smart, witty, intelligent, and you have your own money ha ha - there are lots of old coots who would snatch you up in a minute. i teasingly say to her - what makes you think it is old coots i am interested in? ha ha but seriously she was damaged by the choices her father made and she was damaged by the choice i made. her dad lieing to her all of those years about integrith, morals, and values - the importance of family. and me not having the hoofspa to leave. what a tangled web we weave. so to everyone reading this, it does affect our children - the choices we make.

there is more to this story of how it affected my daughter - i will post more later. i share these very intimate details of my life because i am hoping that in doing so i can give others a sense of the impact of infidelity, not that there are not already living it, but perhaps a look down the road.

the kids, now there are the real victims in all of this. the now young woman that my husband fathered 3 years into our marriage. the child he chose to abandon for fear of the effect it would have had on our marriage. surely i would left back then if i would have known. yet, she has had to grow up without a positive male role model in her life. i occasionally look her up on my space and am saddened by what i read, how she portrays herself how sad i think, i wonder how different her life would have been if her conception would not have been based on a lie. on her my space page she clearly tells men, if you are married or in any way attached do not bother with me, i am not interested in your sorry as***.

more lalter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:07am

Wow..I just lost my coffee. Your daughter said that to you?


I am sorry. That would kill me.


Jack...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:49pm

Jack:

setting, no one should settle. settling basically mean you have chosen to believe that someone else is worth more than you. and that is simply not true. some people will say - i stay for my kids. my parents did that, and my mom actually told us so "the ONLY reason i am still here is because of you kids" - now that really made us feel good. NOT no, we actually felt responsible for their unhappiness. and what did i do - i did the exact same thing, only i NEVER told my children i was staying for them. i was always trying to hide my unhappiness from the kids, sitting there time after time when he would leave at 6:00 am to go golfing and not come home to 5:00pm. i had to be OUT of my friggin mind. when issues would arise - scenarios that were pretty clear that he was out and about i should have left. but i did not, my mistake. as the years progressed he got bolder and bolder.

children know, they can read body language they do not need to hear the words to feel the stress between 2 parents that are not getting along.

i do not know if you have ever read any of the posts regarding my then 16 year old, now 19 year old daughter - but when she found out - actually hear it all - and i did not leave she was most disappointed. disappointed is a nice way to say and i quote "how can i have any respect for a woman who lets a man treat her like dirt, you stayed even after you found out about his illegitimate daughter - a secret he kept from you for 17 years; and now you are staying even though you know he - that woman in the -". jack, those words hurt more than anything i have ever had to hear.

i would say do what you know in your heart and soul is best for you. the only thing i would caution you against, even though i am sure you would never do this - BUT NEVER EVER TALK BAD ABOUT THEIR MOTHER TO THEM. even though you are in the right and she is in the wrong, it would only back fire on you. when a child hears ill stated words about a parent it reflects onto them, they absorb that.

i think it is a good idea if you go and speak to someone. YOU need an outlet to vent, other than us. sometimes when we hear our words coming from own mouth it enables us to process mentally what we need to do.

you hang in jack. while you are in the minority here i guess it is pretty obvious that far too many spouses are involved with relationships outside the marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 4:44pm

Hmmm... well of course the choice is yours and I completely understand your concerns with how

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 3:44pm

My attorney has been amazing. He has kept me from doing a few things that I wanted to do. He told me last week: "Every time you want to hurt them just picture one of daughters first". That advice is working.


The D laws in CT are pretty forward but there a couple of judges that just do not like men. I have already been warned. I have to be super parent to be the parent with Primary Custody. It is very rare in this state for the Dad to get Primary Custody. Soooo...I am biting my tongue and being Daddy perfect.


Sarah is asleep on the couch. All scrunched with her Pooh bear. I can't imagine them living with my W.


I just don't see it.


Jack....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:49pm

Jack,


Please hang in there. My prayers are with you and your girls.


Help4adviceseeker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:31pm

I'm not suggesting that you will reconcile, sorry I wasn't clear. I'm saying that you really don't know what the future holds for your kids and their relationship with their mother, and that's not YOUR problem.


You are doing what you have to do and it IS best for your children at this point.


I'm in Canada...I really don't know how taking an anti-anxiety or anti-depressant impacts on custody...however what I do know is that it's not looked upon the same as illegal drugs, going through detox etc. and that courts are not interested in removing children from a responsible parent. Has your lawyer specifically advised you NOT to take a med that will help? How would anyone know what med you're taking anyway? That's between you and your Dr.


What am I missing here Jack?

Solazzo


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Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:15pm

Solazza..Right now I am just paranoid, I wonder why, huh? As it stands right now I don't see use getting back together at all. No way, no how. Could that change, possible but not likely. I have way too many visuals in my head. I can't walk into my Master Bedroom without wanting to throw up. I sleep in our family office on the couch.


I don't want to take anything that would give her lawyer a leg to stand on when it comes to the girls. I know that my W thinks she has 4 little versions of her. Boy is she in for a surprise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:40pm

I hear you Jack... I wanted to just wake up from the nightmare. instead I woke up each morning crying.


Jack I saw that you are really having difficulty with your mood swings and just about everything is triggering you. Your anxiety is really high understandably. I don't know how you kept your cool with the Police being such wankers...anyway...


I understand that you don't want to use an anti-depressant at the moment...can I suggest that you have your Dr. comment on giving you an anti-anxiety medication to be used at times of extreme stress and anger. I'll tell you why I'm concerned about this stress. Your kids have you at the moment, but unrelieved stress and tension (and panic or fear) often lead to self medicating. Just one drink, it calms you and leads to a routine. I don't care who you are it happens to the best of us... ;)

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:39pm

I know I can be a happy single D dad but would that be in the best interest of my girls?


What type of example am I setting for them? I worry about this ALOT.


I don't post here often, my betrayal is 16 + yrs old. I have remarried happily we lived together for 10 yrs, and have been married for an additional 5.

Rachel

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