post 1st MC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
post 1st MC
4
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:25am

Our MC looked like a deer in headlights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
In reply to: dadfor6
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:32am
Reading your post gives me hope, and you are right, your dad seems to give great advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: dadfor6
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 3:11pm

please know dadfor6 that my post was meant to offer up the perspective of what it is like to live with someone who only cares about themselves.

i like many others here have had to face betrayal; the way i chose to deal with it is MY CHOICE. i am healing and like you am paying much more attention to the beauty that life has to offer and what i have to offer myself. while there are days where i will throw myself a pity party - those days are definitely few and far between now.

take care of yourself, because at the end of the day YOU ARE ALL YOU HAVE. so love you, take care of you - then and only then will you be able to meet head on the decisions that lie ahead.

i wish you and your children the very best. as for your wife, i truly hope she wakes up and smells the coffee. often time betrayors do not know what they have until there is the potential to loose it or until they do in fact loose it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
In reply to: dadfor6
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 1:14am

I appreciate your words, but believe me, I won't have a life of disrespect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: dadfor6
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:08pm

i always find posting my men in your situation very, very interesting. why? i guess it is because i as a woman, and a betrayed woman, an enlightened to read that men in my situation hurt the same way we women do, does that make any sense?

i have been married a long time. my h is a serial cheater. i, for a very long time, did what you are trying to do - but perhaps i am simply not as strong as you or perhaps i am too selfish. i could not, no would not go thru life as if all was ok. i like you did it all, had a full time job with a fortune 500 co, raised the kids, attended all of their events, basically did it all while he golfed and romanced other women. he basically took full advantage of the fact that i did not want to disrupt the childrens life.

i broke into his email and found all of the words they spoke to each other. my discoveries were far worse than you - but then i guess we all think that. in all truth if it would not have been for the kids i could have killed the sob and gladly taken my case to a jury. but, i like you, chose to rise above the pain of it all and do what was best for everyone.

the reason i am responding to your post is this. you MUST be careful not to loose you in the process of keeping on. when we choose to live with someone like this, partners who do not accept responsibility or show no empathy we are taking a chance that they will continue to use and abuse us. that is what happened to me. in the process i lost me, lost the self confidence - found myself questioning my value - i would think, i must be pretty bad, for if i were not he would love me and not hurt me. i would be his sex kitten, i would be the woman he wanted to -, and -, and -. i would be the woman he wanted to share that special intimacy with. now, years into discovery i have learned that it had nothing to do with me - but had everything to do with him.

i could have been any woman, or every woman and it would not have mattered, he needed the attention. he needed to feel like macho macho man.

please take caution not to waste your life away in a posiiton of martyr. i say that with the utmost respect. our youngest now 21 but 16 at the time told me the following "mom, i love you dearly - i know i am your heart - yet even though i love you i do not respect you. how could you let any person disrespect you so and still stay with him". hared words to hear for sure.

you know if i knew then what i knew now i would have run like hell. i would have looked to find the life i deserved and wanted. my lifes dreams - true love, a home, kids, sunday bar b ques, laughter - a shared dream of a life together.

be careful dadfor6 - be careful not to loose you.