Pretty shocked - but maybe blind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Pretty shocked - but maybe blind?
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 9:23pm

I am divorcing my DH right now. We almost got a divorce a year ago, but got back together. I won't get into the details of all that, but we have always loved each other, and wanted to make it work despite our problems. Anyways, when we got back together a year ago for awhile he was sleeping in the bed with me - and I also wanted to add that before all this even at our worst arguing - he always came to bed. About two months into us getting back together, he started sleeping on the couch, and at first I did understand because he worked the night shift, and would come home in the early AM hours and unwind for a little bit, and crash on the couch. I understood, but obviously I am not going to be ok with him literally only coming to bed with me when he wants sex. Which is what it beacme for about a year. I felt like a whore - like a one- night -stand. I let him know this - he knew how much it hurt me, yet it continued for a year. He sometimes mentioned that it had something to do with the fact that while we were seperated, I was with someone else, but he knows I had absolutely NO feelings for him, and it was just to try to get over my DH. I was still understanding, and if he wanted to work on this we could have, and also I would have been willing to go to counseling, and he knew all of this. And it was also his decision to get back together with me - I didn't force him.

Anyways, after all of that we are divorcing now, and I just recently found some pictures he had taken of himself with his pants down, and other disturbing sexual things while we were very much together. I wonder if I was completely blind, and his never coming to bed with me was something else going on, but I was just trying to be understanding of his feelings, and never thought he was doing things with other people?!? He did go out at night as well - with normally excuses like he was going to the gym ( at 1:00 in the morning? ). I will probably never know, and probably don't need to know, but I'm starting to think that his not coming to bed with his wife for a year was because he was betraying me. Any thoughts?? I am ok with it being over, but I really didn't think he was cheating on me. I really would love to hear any of your thoughts on this.