Reached my final straw

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Reached my final straw
12
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 11:09am

I've been around this board before....and here I am back again because I've reached the breaking point..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 1:29pm
Yes, when a man suddenly changes his computer password and that coincides with him also putting a lock on his phone AND changing his facebook password, a red flag should go up. That all happening together is pretty much a dead giveaway that something's up that he wants to hide. But do you really even need to waste your time following him get pictures? You KNOW he has been and IS still planning to sneak off and see his ex already. You should just walk out and leave him a note saying " it's over and HE knows why" And that you won't tolerate him hiding things from you and making plans to sneak around with his ex wife" That way he will know you saw the proof and won't be able to DENY it anymore. As painful as it is I think you need come to an acceptance of the fact that he still has feelings for his ex wife and that it's really not over between them no matter what he says to you. Now I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but it really sounds like he's conflicted on what he wants to do right now. Therein lies the problem with getting involved with a MM BEFORE the divorce has gone thru. There's ALWAYS a chance the MM will end up changing his mind and going back to his wife. You need to leave him and tell him that IF he ever becomes a divorced man and wants to call you then you'll talk, but until then he needs to figure out what he wants to do with his marriage. But keep in mind IF you ever do get back together with him, that you will end up with a man that cheats on his wife, and I really don't think that's such a prize.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 3:00pm

I agree they are major red flags.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 3:31pm

(((Sunshine))) Pack his bags, put them on the porch, change the locks and give him a call telling him to pick up his stuff!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 6:44pm
Sunshine- first off I hope the sunshine is shining for you. If it is not now, it can shine again. This man is like a raincloud. I think it is a severe Blow to anyone when we realize we have been played and made out to be fools. This man has taken advantage of you. You seem like his perfect woman! You have your own house AND a job!!! He has no money? His ex wife gets all the perks too! The best of him without having to rely on anything from him but the next good time! All at your expense.

I can tell that you have a wonderful, kind heart. Not everyone Can be with someone when they come with medical issues. That in itself can bring stress ton a relationship.

You are too good for the dead weight you are carrying.

As far as confrontation, do what you have the guts to do. It's your stage now and they are both in the wrong, him most of all. Like Ollie said, pack his crap up, have the locks changed. Maybe you can do this while he is out next? He comes home, sees all his stuff out at the curb next to a "free" sign??

You owe him no explanation, none at all.

You can keep going to the counselor if you want for a confidant.

Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 7:13pm

-Ollie-

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 7:49pm
sunshine32517 wrote:

....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 9:40pm

Thank you for your kind words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 9:43pm

I'm sure he will end up with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 10:10pm

Unfortunately, the truth is he IS still "with her".

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 09-26-2011 - 2:09am
I think you should just send him back to the ex. Save him the trouble of having to change and hide his passwords to all his accounts anymore. The fact that HE doesn't have a job isn't YOUR problem. Let his ex support him and deal with that.

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