Married 11 years and we are 11 months past
while i am not a shrink, i have been seeing one for years. additionally i have been on this site for years as well. you are no different from so many of us - we want to know the details. i think it is not necessarily the details we crave but the conversation with our spouses about what happened. does that make any sense? in other words we are wanting for our spouses to show us that they are now being fully honest. the willingness to be an open book so to speak does that.
i am thinking that your husbands spouse doe not specialize in betrayal, am i right? if i am wrong then i am thinking that your husbands shrink does not get it. boundaries for your husband, ah, that is what he had from you prior to the betrayal. and what did he do with that? he chose to seek out others for gratification. i do not agree with your husbands shrink on this one, at all. but that is my humble opinion.
most husbands who get it - are far less worried over divulging 'details' and more worried about restoring the faith and integrity we spouses once felt towards them. remind yourself and your husband that the days of it all being about what he wanted and needed are gone. you are now going to be putting loving yourself as your first priority -he has shown you that you need to protect yourself - gone are the days when you put a blind trust in him as the protector of you, your marriage and your family.
I'm definitely no shrink, but I think you deserve any and all answers you need.
i am answering as a BS and in my case i needed all details.
how are you doing?
Thanks for your thoughts.