REVENGE AND ANGER

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
REVENGE AND ANGER
57
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 4:57pm

Wow, there's been a lot of anger and talk of revenge on this board recently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 2:42pm

California,

We can all learn a lot from each other. It seems like you might be at a different place than some BSs. Why not try the Life After Betrayal board?

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 2:50pm
I agree with you, but you have to realize that new posters are pretty raw and need more understanding and encouragement than anything else. You seem pretty intense, you just might want to remember this is a support board and there are a lot of thin skins because of the nature of the support needed, so you might want to tone things down a bit. I know you have a lot offer new posters here and have a lot to gain from those of us who have been around for a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 3:29pm
Well said plannin. I think we try to forgive and have hope that it won't happen again. That he has finally learned a lesson THIS TIME, and that somehow things will now be different. Sometimes we just want to keep believing in happily ever after. Why I don't know. I think a big problem with me is that it killed a lot of my self esteem the first time it happened and I was too paralyzed in my mind to do anything about it. Oh how I wish i had a wise mentor the first time. But I was very young and not too worldly back then. Not to mention found out I was PG shortly after I found out about the A. I guess life goes on and were both still here 30 years later. Just curious, has your H ever said anything to you about his prostate cancer being a punishment for how he has treated you?


Edited 1/16/2009 3:30 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 4:19pm

yes, several months back he got out of the shower and was drying off in front of a huge antique golden oak mirror we have in our bedroom. he stood there while drying his chest, as he took the towel away and stood there looking at his naked body he said to himself but outloud "I know that God is punishing me". as i have posted recently he now is having problems with his left leg, he walks with a limp and it is difficult for him to climb stairs - i asked if i could help him one day when he was walking up the stairs, he stood there looked at the stairs and then turned to me and said "Only God can help me now".

i have tried to talk him into really going after this thing, but he just poo poohs it. "I am too old to worry about it now".

you know Peace i look at him sometimes and have to turn away - tears fill my eyes. i know the man he could have been, i know the best about him even though i have lived with the worst. i get angry sometimes, angry that i did not have the marriage with him that i wanted. it was a good dream you know. love, kids, the dogs, the birds, the garden, our home, great sex, all of the things i saw on tv when i was a kid. you know what i mean (except for the sex part, no sex on tv back in the 60's and 70's - ha ha). but seriously i think i actually mourn for the loss of my dream if that makes any sense. i have always tried to be a good person, thinking that you have to give in order to get - i am so disappointed and so DAM* hurt.

wht the hell will be left behind when he goes. a woman who is lost.

i appreciate you aways asking - i so enjoy reading your posts. we are a kindred spirit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 4:36pm
I so enjoy reading yours also. Maybe as the old song goes "the best is yet to come." I don't see how it can get any worse for you plannin. I think there ought to be required pre marital classes for all young ladies ready to marry called "This is how you should require your husband to treat you, anything less is unacceptable."
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 9:54pm
you and i could be professors, teaching the class. ha ha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 10:12pm

Honey I do not have steam coming from my ears.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 10:58pm

Never in a million years would I TELL someone to leave their spouse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 11:06pm
Hopefully change a few young lives too. Funny thing is his Dad was a serial cheater when we were dating and I never even gave that a second thought as to how this would affect my future marriage. As I say now young, dumb and in love. Not a good combination I guess. Plannin we should have attended that class together 30 or so years ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 11:09pm

Your post NEVER posted because I reported it as a violation!