Sadness to rage to feeling helpless

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Sadness to rage to feeling helpless
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 11:46am

Hello all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 12:42pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 12:44am
Mizzi- welcome. I agree with Ollie 100%. The only person you can control and rely on at the end of the day is YOU. I think the emotional roller coaster caused by the discovery of betrayel has been extremely challenging. I always prided in myself my level head, my perceptiveness, my ability to concentrate and stay in control. All that crap went right out the window. These feelings are basically the same for all us. There is no discrimination based on our age, race, socioeconomic status, looks etc. it's the same. It's the craziest ride I've been on in my life and despite my wanting to get off I just keep going round and round. At 6 months, the ride has slowed down, but I am by no means able to get off.

Ollie is right. Use this time to look into yourself. When I need to cry, I cry. When I am feeling angry I am the most productive. When I am confused I try to think it out. When I am in the depths of despair, I try to not make any decisions and I try to focus my thoughts and my attention to my beautiful boys who deserve the very best life has to offer. I also find great comfort in breathing fresh air, even if only for a moment or turning my face up into the sun on the days it is lucky enough to shine thru the gray clouds. I try to go over what I am thankful for as I know my life could be much much worse. And on some days I just need to,curl up in a ball for a moment, I do. You have the strength inside you to face all of this. Take each emotion as they come. Face them head on.

This journey has taught me that I am only as strong as I believe myself to be. His affair was not about me as I had no choice or any part of it. His insecurities and need for attention are his weaknesses, not mine. His choices about his affair are his choices. The unfortunate part is that we all pay the consequences and it isn't fair and it will never be fair.

Your journey of healing is yours alone. There is no right, no wrong. It is not something that you can put a timeline on. The days will turn into,weeks and the weeks into months. What is important is that you plan, you tell your husband what you expect and you take one step at a time. Either he gets in the car with you or not. That is his choice. Some days you go backwards but you can't lose sight of your final destination- loving yourself just as you are realizing your beauty is yours alone. There is no one else like you on this earth. You deserve love and respect and to be cherished. None of us are perfect in our relationships, we all have our shortcomings. I am sure you made mistakes as I have and all of us. But none of us chose to lie, be deceptive and betray those we swore to love and protect.

I hope that your husband sees the light. I hope that at the end wherever it takes you that you are happy and at peace with yourself. Take care friend.