Scared and Sad- Found out today
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|Sun, 03-22-2009 - 11:12am|
I'm new to these boards. I just found them today while I was looking for a little peace of mind.
I have been married for a little less than 2 years. I have noticed a little bit of a difference in my husband over the past few months. He's also been mentioning a woman at work a lot. I've heard that if you listen to them they'll "tell you" who they're cheating with.
The change in him scared me and so I did something bad. I snooped. I grabbed his cell phone one night after he was asleep. I saw several text messages (maybe 20-30 over the past two months) from the girl he works with. He's mentioned her before. She asked him out on a date once and then realized he was married and backed off for a while I guess. I thought that was the end of the story. But it wasn't.
Some of them were innocent- just a hello or a have a good day. Most were flirty. In a few she asked him to go on a date. I'd read the text that would say somehting like, "Hey- want to go to blah-blah tonight?" Then see the next one that would say, "Oh, we'll just have to try again next weekend." Then I saw one text, from about a month ago that said, "I had a fun time last" and then thanked him for buying drinks. He never told me about this evening with her (they may have been in a group- the message was a little vague). And the night that she referenced is sort of a blur for me- I can't remember that far back. Several messages were thanking him for bringing her lunch or coffee. And a few were telling him that she hoped he enjoyed the coffee she brought for him.
I've asked him about her and he said he wasn't attracted to her. I asked why she had his number and he said it was for work reasons. (He does have all of his coworker's phone numbers so this may be true. Or may have been true in the beginning.)
I want to confront him about this. But I know that if I do he'll FREAK out about me going through his phone. I'm sure that many of you have been in a similar predicament.
What did you do to confront him? And what the heck should I say to him when I do?
I'm scared and so sad. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die. Or that I could press rewind and go back to a year ago when he seemed to be all about me. I miss him. I don't want to leave him. But I'm also on my last nerve. I don't think I can do it though.
Thanks for your help. Thanks for taking the time to read through such a long message.