Scared

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Scared
26
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 10:27pm

I fell really scared that he is going to cheat on me again and agian im tring to wok on your relationship but it hurts so much still. He cheated on me through out our entier relationship and we have been toghter for 11 years and part of me says enough is enough and i should leave him and SCREW YOU IM DONE! But the other part of  me really scared to do it i dont know why i have done it before but i still relided on him too much and i think now its time to cut the cord. I just dont know what to im lost and i think that he still cheating on me with someone i dont know and i dont know how to find out.......Because he sleeps with his phone and i dont know how to unlock the dame thing...Help im lost and i dont know what to do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: ollie2008
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 3:51pm

Just my humble opinion, you should move on and leave him in the past!  If he is unwilling to do anything to fix himself and apparently has no empathy for you, IMO, you will be just reliving the same drama over and over again.

Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back.  Think instead of all the wonderful possibilities that are in front of you if you step away from this continued drama.  You deserve better!

Hugs, 

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: ollie2008
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:39pm

((((bussell28)))  Are you and your H actively rebuilding?  Is he being an open book?  That is necessary to truly rebuild.  He should give you all of his passwords and be totally forth coming on all of his communications and do it willingly.  If he is guarding his phone, computer or whatever than he has something to hide.  Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.   Is HE making every effort to repair what he has broken or does he just want to forget about it and sweep it under the rug?

You have the opportunity to take back the control of your life.  Make a plan b for yourself, do the 180 (listed in the rebuilding section below) and tell your H what you expect from him in your M and settle for nothing less.  Feeling like you have to snoop to keep track of your H will just make you crazy.  IMHO no one is worth that!

Hugs,

Ollie

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: pater_familia
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:33pm

Keep standing up for yourself and keep posting. 

Sending good vibes. 

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: ollie2008
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 9:34pm

Tom,  Where is the LIKE button!!  I totally agree.

Ollie

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: pater_familia
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 8:02pm

Screw hacking, 

Put a line in the sand, "unlock this phone now or I'll start paking your things in garbage bags."

Tom 

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 12:51am

Yes that is exactly what you need to do.  One must love and care for themselves first.  Take care of your self first. Be selfish.  Establish boundaries.  Adults are like children with out boundaries they will test you and if they are not informed of a boundary they will do what to them is good.  Establishing boundaries after the fact is very difficult. 

   

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: freeatlast2008
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 4:06pm

I think when we have to start hacking into things because we dont trust people its time to rethink the relationship and get help legal or illegal..

I mean if I knew someone cheats on me over and over personally I would be done with that person but that is me..

Time to take a room in the house and live your own life and take care of you until you can figure something else out...but again IMHO..

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 4:51pm

Wrong.  Federal law trumps state law. And most states have laws on the books about hacking.  Community property laws do not extend to privacy nor do they trump privacy.  Criminal behavior is criminal behavior. 

http://law.onecle.com/california/penal/632.html

dragowoman

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 3:47pm

Did you realize that hacking is a federal and sometimes state offense!  People go to prison for this!  Just what she wants.

dragowoman

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to:
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 6:20pm
I hope you are getting some help. I hope you can get access to a therapist. There is a lot to understand here. One thing is that you need to start standing up for yourself and start preparing to live on your own. By doing so, you won't be a victim either way.

You didn't cause this,
You can't control this.
You can't cure this.

All you can do is control you so chin up, stand up, take your life back.

Sending good vibes,

Tom

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

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